Not all men are guilty of perpetrating sexual harassment against women in and out of the workplace. But all men have a key role to play in the broader effort to combat harassment of women, and this starts simply by talking about it with other men.
Failing to condemn sexual harassment – whether verbal harassment or direct physical assault – can portend dire consequences for those close to you, as comedian Daniel Sloss explained in his 2019 HBO comedy special. a friend who raped his friend and how he did nothing about the myriad warning signs that portended the terrible event. He could have acted, perhaps simply by saying something to his friend who often displayed several red flags, but instead he ignored the danger.
Given the spread of sexual harassment and assault worldwide, nearly one in five women in the United States will be sexually abused in her lifetime, according to the 2010 figures compiled by National Sexual Violence Resource Center—The words of loss are a harsh warning.
As Sloss notes, the process of depriving sexual harassment of its normalcy begins with men talking about it, rather than ignoring it. Here’s how you can get started.
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Hear when women talk about their experiences
One way for men to fully understand the ubiquity of sexual harassment in society is to listen when women talk about their experiences. According to Heather Stevenson, a psychologist specializing in male issues, talking to women can emphasize the insidious nature of the phenomenon in a way that discussions with men simply cannot.
She tells Lifehacker:
Coming from a place of genuine curiosity and openness you will usually find receptivity, and hearing direct stories from people you know is likely to have a greater impact on how you process information. If you still don’t feel comfortable starting a conversation with a woman in your life, watch one of these videos of women recording their experience of walking on the street and the harassment they suffer from men. Then use this as an opener with someone you know.
It is impossible for men to rationalize the scale of harassment globally – whether on the streets, online, behind closed doors in private homes, in the workplace and outside it – without listening to the women themselves. Listening to women will help men understand how people close to them may have endured this type of harassment for years – perhaps encouraging them to take action.
Take action with male allies
In addition to talking to women, men can range from involuntary spectators to allies, speaking openly when they witness the bad behavior of other men. Having these conversations on a regular basis is good and necessary, and men must consistently evoke cases of misogyny uttered by their friends, family and co-workers.
But the work becomes more practical when men join with others devoted to the cause. From the University of Southern California School of Social Work implores men to “maintain an ongoing dialogue with friends, colleagues and family members, with the ultimate goal of encouraging more people to become active allies for the cause”.
For his part, Stevenson recommends some more targeted advice, pointing to organizations like A call for men and Enough man as specific resources. She tells Lifehacker that men should consult with these groups, as they will allow them “to find other men who may already be having this type of dialogue or who are open to this type of conversation as a way to continue and deepen the work”.
When it comes to casual friendships, Stevenson makes a clear distinction between positioning yourself as an educator and simply questioning comments that you may find inappropriate.
“We don’t necessarily need you to always take on the role of educator with other men, although it is appreciated when you do,” she says. “But we need you to at least take on the role of a questioner or a reporter of comments / conversations” that perpetuate harmful notions about women.
Rethink the way you talk about sex
Much of the casual misogyny woven into today’s social fabric begins with the way men are socialized. Much of this is shaped by the mass media and the way women have been hyper-sexualized to become gel with stereotyped male tastes. In order to help a broader segment of men to understand that their conception of femininity was shaped by a culture that positions women as objects that exist only in relation to men, men need to break the ways in which they have been taught to talk about sex. .
As Stevenson explains, men must question popular images, portrayed in advertising, films and pornography, which openly sexualize women:
When the programming to which we are all subjected only portrays stereotyped roles, we all become passively conditioned to assume these beliefs and, therefore, to act from a rightful place in response to these messages. The problem really comes from not stopping to question what we are being fed, why and who is behind the wheel driving these messages.
When men begin to understand that the portrait of women in the mass media is a fabricated ideal, it will help to eliminate the lasting impact of the problem. Fortunately, if you are a man who wants to help make a difference, you can do your part in relatively simple ways. It is imperative that you do.