Dear Amy: My parents are almost 50 years old. They live in their own home nearby. Their marriage has been difficult for many years. They seem to be together mainly for financial reasons.
My husband and I have been very strict about contact since the beginning of the pandemic, especially since we had a new baby, born last year.
My mother helps taking care of children so that I can continue working. She wants to be extremely careful for the good of our home, as well as for her own. The big problem is that my dad thinks COVID is a joke. He will not distance himself socially or wear masks unless he is forced to do so.
He is acting childishly and shows no concern for those around him, especially our baby. We stayed away from him and we are not going to visit their house, but I am still extremely concerned about my mother’s health!
She wears a mask whenever she is with me or the baby, and sometimes even in her own home.
I feel so helpless. I begged her to stay with us, but she doesn’t want him to feel that he “won” the house.
Honestly, I don’t even care if my father gets sick at this point, but I’m very concerned about what his behavior can do to my mother.
What can I do to deal with my father?
– Very Worried Daughter
Dear daughter: You cannot control your father. If he doesn’t believe in CDC or pay attention to the various real spikes and risks of this virus, he won’t listen to you. His only advantage is access to his baby, and he doesn’t seem interested in seeing the child.
If your mom is extremely concerned about her health (and yours) and still doesn’t want to live with you because she doesn’t want your dad to “win the house”, then I would say that her health concerns aren’t really paramount.
If she is concerned about her legal rights to marital property, if she leaves home for a long period, it would be wiser to consult a lawyer.
The good news is that, because of the broken relationship, your parents are likely to keep their distance from each other while they are at home. Your mom is watching COVID’s safe practices while she is with you. All of you must continue to protect your own health.
If you really believe that your mother is putting your own health (and yours) at risk by living with your father, don’t ask her to come to your home until she gets the vaccine.
Your family is exemplifying the challenges and commitments that most families have faced. Worrying doesn’t help. Yes, mitigating your risks.
Dear Amy: I have a friend whose rent is due at the end of the month. She asked about living with me. I am retired, I never married and we have gone out about three times as friends, but I can see that I am spending the rest of my life with her (she is 20 years younger).
The house I own is small and I have a colleague, also retired, who lives in one of the rooms. The other room is for your home business.
There is no place for her to sleep, except in my bed.
I don’t know much about her. She has an ex-boyfriend who seems to bother her, and that’s one of the reasons why she wants to move. She is also asking for her husband’s divorce in another country.
She works two jobs and maintains odd hours.
We haven’t been intimate yet, but we both want to be.
My life would really change if she lived here.
I don’t know if just being friends and sleeping in the same bed without being intimate will work, while we’re still getting to know each other.
Your thoughts?
– Asking
Dear Wondering: On the one hand: No. No, no, no.
On the other hand, perhaps the pandemic prevented him from watching the theater live. Allowing this stranger to enter your home (and your bed) would be your guaranteed ticket to an endless drama.
If you decide to let her live in your home, research your state’s laws regarding eviction in advance.
Dear Amy: I agree with your response to “Upset”, who was jealous when her husband Google searched for attractive personalities that he saw on television.
I can add what my father-in-law used to say about it: “It doesn’t matter where you start your appetite, as long as you come home for dinner”.
– Wise Guy
Dear Sage: I like it!
You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.