“I didn’t see how much pain some of the people I loved the most were going through.”
In an era prior to iPhones and Instagram, Soleil Moon Frye was still able to document her life in a way that most people in the 90s couldn’t.
Not only has she kept a diary since she was 12, but she also followed her friends with a video camera, kept all messages on her answering machines and took more pictures than the average teenager. Now, in her mid-30s, she is sharing that treasure trove of memories with the world in a new documentary called “Kid ’90”, a project that turned out to be far more emotional than the 44-year-old actress ever expected.
“I got into it, literally, wondering if things had happened the way I remembered. I had remembered that our lives were then cheerful and then full of life and so happy and I didn’t really realize I was opening Pandora’s box, “she explained to TooFab about the project, which hits Hulu on Friday.
“I think on a subconscious level, I probably locked it up for so long because I had lost some of my closest friends so young. So, on a subconscious level, I think I probably wasn’t ready to look back,” she explained. “And it was only about four years ago, when I wondered if things went the way I remembered, that I started unlocking the safe. I didn’t intend the documentary to be about me. I really was so focused on doing it about everyone but me. And then, in the end, it became a story of the maturing of the adolescent self and the adult self. “
Frye lost several friends when he was young, including Jonathan Brandis and “Kids” star Justin Pierce, who died by suicide at the age of 27 and 25, respectively. In the documentary, Brandis is a warm presence, leaving silly voice messages for Frye and even visiting her at the hospital after she had her breast reduction surgery when she was just 16. For Frye, who also directed and produced the documentary and is still in touch with Brandis’ parents, seeing who is no longer around was bittersweet.
“It was an incredible process because seeing the depth of love that was around me was really inspiring, because I have always loved people. I really do,” she told TooFab. “I love people, even with our shortcomings and our ups and downs. I really love people, so realizing that I was so loved back was amazing. Finding Johnathan’s voicemails – when we were kids, he pressed the pound, because literally Johnathan would have this thing that he liked to fill my tape with – so he only spoke for 30 minutes at a time and it was really in those final moments of those audio recordings that he really shared so much about himself and about you listening to it through the documentary. “
“It was so moving and there was so much pain, because I didn’t see how much pain some of the people I loved the most were going through,” she continued. “I think we all had different levels of it. There was so much joy and happiness that I remembered it and there were also some internal struggles that we were going through, some of us more than others.”
Towards the end of her doctorate, Frye said the process also made her realize that she was “so guilty that I didn’t know I was until I started watching the tapes”.
“How many times do we really look at someone and say, ‘How are you?’ and really hear them back, “she says, getting emotional.” That’s why this process has been like a goddamn sale. I don’t think I’ve been living a lie for the past 20 years, but I certainly haven’t been listening. Now that they are off, now that I have opened Pandora’s box, I cannot put anything back. “
While working on the project, Frye even managed to recruit some of her famous friends to participate in interviews – which she conducted herself – including Brian Austin Green, Mark-Paul Gosselaar, David Arquette and Stephen Dorff.
“Everyone was so willing to share and share in such an authentic way. I think it really shows that these were really true friendships that come from so far, and we were really like our own high school of friends and kids growing up together” said Frye. “I was very grateful that everyone opened their hearts and I think they are so sincere in sharing their lives. It was incredible and each person had their own perspective. But at the root of that, deep down, you saw this deep love and connection that all of us we had with each other. “
“Brian, it was so funny when he watched it for the first time, shaking his head. And David Arquette thinking it was so funny that here he was trying to direct me, and here I was filming him. There is so much joy,” she continued. “And those moments of bad friends reflecting, ‘Oh, what was I thinking at that time?’ It was so fun to watch. And then some of the really exciting moments, my dear friend Andrew Dorff [Stephen’s brother, who died at the age of 40 in 2016] who I love so much, who I feel is looking at us now and being able to watch the filming with Stephen was really very significant because it was really the tapes that brought us together. We were friends in our youth, and after he passed away, the tapes really made us that much closer. “
Although the documentary touches on many darker times for Soleil – including sexual assault and body shame – she said she loved to see the “innocence” and love prevalent in videos of her youth.
“The moments that are so incredible in retrospect and just the joy … of being able to have the ghosts of the past that I really feel are angels surrounding me, of making them live through it,” she continued, “I hope the people are watching this through their own lenses and that, somehow, I would love to be able to raise awareness about the things we’re talking about, about growing up, being teenagers, about the strange stages of our life, about mental aspects health awareness , around suicide prevention. I just hope that somehow this documentary reaches out and can involve people of all ages so that we don’t feel so alone. “
“Kid ’90” debuts on March 11 on Hulu.
Soleil Moon Frye