Welcome, countrymen, to the first episode of elimination of the season. Finally! The first three weeks of season 13 were a lovely sequence of RuPaul’s best friend race, but it is a great pleasure for me to report that this week we finally see a competitor cry. Don’t get me wrong: first, I observe Drag Race by the immense and diverse talents of all the competitors, of course. In fact, that’s exactly why I was excited for this episode, which celebrates the two most ubiquitous drag queen talents of all: conflict and emotional manipulation!
And the queens go straight to the point. Group one (the self-ordained “Winners Circle”) decides to stage a police operation to embarrass group two (“B squad”) by hiding Elliott behind a dividing curtain in the back of the werkroom. The idea here is that they can trick the queens to make Elliott talk shit while she is in the room. This plan doesn’t make sense to me for two reasons: The first is that you generally don’t have to “cheat” drag queens to make them mean to you. And the second is that I don’t understand what Elliott gains from this. She already has confirmation that the other queens don’t like her, because, well, they sent her home unanimously. So now, hiding behind the curtain, does she have the privilege to … hear them say that again? An incomplete plan, to be sure, but Elliott seems to find a perverse joy in revealing to a crowd of downcast artists that, yes, she is still here.
After the queens have measured each other, RuPaul enters and goes straight to the point. For this week’s main challenge, the queens are divided into teams and tasked with acting in the RuPaulmark Channel holiday movies, films with nearly identical scripts and characters that satirize the stereotyped nature of the Hallmark Christmas movie. It’s a smart setting that really balances the playing field. Denali cannot claim that she took the short end of the stick, for example, because Tina and Symone had exactly the same lines and got along. This also benefits the audience, as we can directly compare the comedic skills of the cast assembled for the first time.
Now, as with any Drag Race performance challenge, we have the good (Symone, Rosé), the bad (Denali, LaLa) and the transcendent (Kahmora). Let’s discuss:
“God loves flags”
Let’s save the best for first. Symone and Rosé take their team to the definitive victory with their parody of Flag Day “God Loves Flags”. Symone stars as the evil CEO Red Flag; she keeps the judges laughing from start to finish with her now iconic facial expressions and inscrutable pronunciation of the work “factory”. Rosé plays her … Best friend? Love interest? Who cares. The only thing that matters is that she stuck her shoes on her knees, a truly inspired choice. Their presence animates the much weaker LaLa Ri and Utica, who are more than a little shaky and can’t seem to translate their winning personalities into this scripted challenge. Or memorize your lines! Judges praise Rosé and Symone, but the stellar track on the du-rag train steals the show. The judges are gagged, as are all of us, and RuPaul tells Symone “You are a winner, baby” for the third time in four episodes. Symone’s momentum is undeniable at this point. Somehow, she took a ride on the other girls before the referee had a chance to start the timer. Of course, it is still early, and you must remember another stunning young LA queen with an undisputed race at the beginning of the season who was prematurely declared the winner of the season (for me … shut up). But, in my view, the comparisons stop there. There was an arrogance in Gigi Goode that I don’t feel in Symone. Maybe it’s your sense of purpose and maturity firmly rooted, or maybe it’s just the old-fashioned good manners of the Midwest, but Symone seems to be attached to me. And I think this will serve her well, since we entered the marathon phase of this competition.
“April Fool’s Rush In”
Next, in a solid second place, is the “April Fool’s Rush In” Team, starring Gottmik, Joey Jay, Kandy Muse and Tamisha Iman. Gottmik and Tina are the stars, in theory, but Kandy steals the show as Whoopi Cushion, a clown clerk at a small town gift shop. Kandy wants this part so much that she bets before the other girls have a chance to open their scripts. It’s certainly unpleasant, but it’s hard to be angry at someone as fun as Kandy. As Gottmik astutely sums it up: “Well… props for you. That was kind of everything, but I’m not sure if that’s how it works. ”Yes, Kandy can be a difficult pill to swallow, but it is worth the cheap. Tamisha also has some outstanding moments as a fortune teller / imitator of Cher. It responds well to Ross’ guidance (as opposed to Joey Jay), and the results in the final product speak for themselves. Tamisha is safe and Kandy could have been one of the main candidates had it not been for her lead. Don’t get me wrong, the dress is beautiful, but Michelle is sure it isn’t quite the category and there’s really no story to talk about compared to some of the other girls. But the judges love them a little Kandy, and it’s a solid recovery after their last low placement challenge.
“Misery Loves Company”
Finally, let’s talk about the team with the most to lose, “Misery Loves Company”. Denali wants to show that he can stand out among titans like Symone, Elliott wants to prove that he’s not the worst here, Kahmora needs to make up for the disaster of the last episode and Olivia … it’s just creepy! Denali talked about a great game this week. And last week. And the week before. She tells us repeatedly that she is the most fierce competitor, the one to be beaten and (the most relevant) more than just a fierce voice actress. Unfortunately, Denali passes out under the weight of his own expectations. Before the other girls can speak, she insists on taking the lead role, which she later realizes is a little more than she can chew. This leaves Elliott to play stupid cupid (“I really am stupid,” she explains), Kahmora like a tree (more on that in a moment), and Olivia affably accepts her grandmother (she is just happy to be there). In the rehearsal, we watched Denali attack. The lines are not coming and there is no characterization worthy of note. On the runway, she is a knockout, but apparently not enough to make up for her serious miscalculation. But Denali’s struggles are really nothing compared to his sister Kahmora. To put it in context, Kahmora is playing a tree with a green screen. Why then, can an astute observer ask, does Kahmora appear on the set wearing full hip / back protectors and a breastplate with erect nipples? I cannot answer that, because my mind does not operate on the same plane of consciousness as hers. Kahmora apparently has a total of two lines, occupies 80% of the time and attention of everyone on the set (VERY ME) and, ultimately, fails to deliver one of those two lines correctly. Needless to say, I’m obsessed. Much like Denali, his impeccable runway doesn’t save her, and it’s Chicago vs. Chicago between the last two.
Lip sync is a bloodbath. Denali proved one thing for sure: she is in fact the killer stuntman of the season. It brings athleticism and Olympic-level precision to its incredible “100% Pure Love” performance, and it ends in seconds. “Stop!” I wanted to scream. “She’s already dead!” But Denali is relentless. She shows so little mercy for her Chicago sister that I am sure it is a violation of at least two Geneva Conventions. Denali is declared the winner, and the beautiful Kahmora is the first official victim of the Pork Chop Loading Dock. Elliott is happy.
Despite team B’s best efforts, the hierarchy put into practice in the lip dubbing extravaganza of episode 1 was strengthened this week. Symone reigned supreme once again, and the two lower limbs came from the team that lost lip sync. But Drag Race is known for his mid-season concussions, and I wouldn’t think these queens would steal the spotlight next week. Let’s find out, shall we? Until then!