Real interview with Oprah: Meghan reveals she ‘didn’t want to be alive anymore’

But the most powerful parts of the two-hour interview came when Meghan discussed her life’s difficulties as a real worker. Meghan, a former American actress, said she was forced to suppress her frank nature and give up her personal freedom. She said she did not have access to her passport, driver’s license or keys after she joined the royal family, and they were not returned until the couple moved.

Fighting tears at one point, Meghan said thoughts of suicide were incredibly difficult to bear, and she was reticent to share them with her husband – who lost his mother, Princess Diana, when he was a boy.

“I was really ashamed to say that at the time, and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry mainly, because I know how many losses he suffered. But I knew that if I didn’t say it, I would – and I just didn’t want to be anymore. alive, “she said.

Harry said he was “terrified” of his wife’s admission.

“I had no idea what to do, I went to a very dark place too, but I wanted to be there for her,” he added.

The prince, who is sixth in the line of succession, said that there is a culture of silent suffering in the royal family. However, Meghan’s race – she is kind of black – and the abuse she suffered made the situation even more difficult for the couple than it had been for other royalty.

She said a senior royal had “concerns and conversations” about how dark her son Archie’s skin would be. On Monday, Winfrey told CBS that Harry had said that the king in question was not the queen or Prince Philip.

Harry said that this led him to discuss the matter with the royal family. He told Winfrey that he believed there were many opportunities for the palace to “show some public support” in the face of continued racial abuse in the press, “but no one in my family has ever said anything. It hurts.”

Harry said the problem was bigger than just the couple, because of what Meghan represented as an influential black woman in a public position.

“It was affecting a lot of other people too,” he said. “That was the trigger for me to really get involved in conversations with the palace, the senior palace officials and my family to say, guys, this is not going to end well.”

The interview is likely to have lasting consequences for the royal family. The film aired at a time already tense for royalty, with Prince Philip, the queen’s 99-year-old husband, spending the third week in hospital after a cardiac procedure on Thursday.

Harry and Meghan’s interview may have reached an even larger audience. It aired during prime time television in the United States and was promoted relentlessly by CBS in the following days, with the network saying it would open the curtain on why Meghan and Harry parted ways with the Windsors last year.

The Sussex painted a picture of an institution so caught up in their ways that it forced a young biracial couple to simply live with racist abuse at a time when much of the world is accepting the lasting legacy of institutional racism.

“It’s been incredibly difficult for both of us,” said Harry as he took a seat next to his wife. “But at least we had each other.”

‘I didn’t see a way out’

Harry and Meghan departed from their royal duties in early 2020, but their formal agreement with the palace was not reached until February.

The agreement allows both to retain the royal titles granted by the Queen, but they will relinquish their royal sponsorships, which will be redistributed among working members of the royal family.

Harry said that the decision to back down boiled down to “a lack of understanding” between the two sides. He said he would not have moved away from his family had it not been for Meghan, who helped him realize that the couple was in prison.

“I was in jail too. I didn’t see a way out. I was in jail, but I didn’t know I was in jail,” he said.

Meghan said she felt victimized by a “character murder” in the British media and in the machinations of the palace, which value the way she is perceived more than she, her husband and her son’s well-being.

She also said that when she was pregnant with her son, Archie, they said he would not be made a prince and therefore would not be given security.

“I’m sorry to have believed them when they said I would be protected,” she said.

Meghan specifically complained about how lonely and isolated life became after her marriage. She said that she was sometimes not allowed to go out to lunch with friends because she was so covered in the media.

“Everyone was concerned with the optics,” she said.

When the burden became unbearable, alone, Meghan said she sought help from human resources at Buckingham Palace. Meghan said she was told that she was not a paid employee and that she would need to seek help elsewhere – which she could not do.

Meghan said it was particularly difficult to make a happy face while suffering in silence. She recounted a private evening at the Royal Albert Hall with her husband, while the two were sitting together in the royal box.

“Every time those lights went out,” she said, “I just cried and he held my hand.”

When the lights came on, Meghan said “you just have to be on again.”

The sources said they approached The Times because they felt that the version of Meghan that had come out publicly was only partly true and were concerned about how bullying issues were handled. The report said the sources believed the public “should have a view of their side of the story” before the couple’s interview with Winfrey.

Buckingham Palace said it was “very concerned” about the allegations described in the report and that it will investigate. A Sussex spokesman dismissed the Times report as “a calculated smear campaign” before the interview.

Meghan told Winfrey that, despite the ordeal, it was important to differentiate the royal family “from the people who run the institution”.

The Duchess of Sussex said she was welcomed into her own family and Queen Elizabeth II, Harry’s grandmother, has always been wonderful, warm and welcoming.

Meghan discussed rumors of a dispute with Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William’s wife. Meghan said reports that she made Kate cry because of the florists’ dresses at her wedding were false, and it was in fact the Duchess of Sussex who wept.

“There was no confrontation,” said Meghan.

She refused to discuss the incident because Kate had apologized to her. “I don’t think it’s fair for her to go into details about it,” added Meghan.

Harry said the decision to back down had financial consequences – they were cut by the palace in early 2020 – and it affected his relationship with his family. He said his father, Prince Charles, who is next in line to the throne, briefly stopped taking his calls.

“I feel really disappointed because he went through something similar. He knows what pain is. And Archie is his grandson,” said Harry.

Harry also described his relationship with his older brother, William, as “space”, adding that “time heals all things, I hope.”

But the duo was effusive in their praise for the Queen, who escaped the interview without catching fire.

“My grandmother and I have a really good relationship and understanding, and I have a deep respect for her,” said Harry. Meghan added that she had spoken to the Queen several times recently, including the morning that Prince Philip was taken to the hospital last month.

Meghan gave a positive tone at the end of the interview. She said that life after the royal family is “just the beginning” for her family.

When asked by Winfrey if her story with the prince has a happy ending, Meghan answered unequivocally.

“(It’s) bigger than any fairy tale you’ve ever read,” she said.

CNN contacted the royal family for comment.