It’s not just COVID-19 long haul (now clinically known as post-acute sequelae of SARS-CoV-2, or PASC) incredibly debilitating, experiencing a health condition that did not exist in the recent past can be quite isolating.
Living with long distance COVID means that someone can feel good one day just for the symptoms to throw them back in bed rest in the next. People may also fear that friends, family and colleagues think they are exaggerating – or have unrealistic expectations of his recovery.
As a friend, relative or colleague of someone with post-viral COVID-19, it is important to offer support that does not inadvertently minimize these symptoms and make people feel more alone in their struggle. Here’s how to do it, according to experts:
First, stop talking about the disease as something that will soon heal.
Nobody likes to see their loved one sick. However, by wanting to relieve that pain, you can put pressure on the person to move on when they’re not ready, said Jennifer Mann, a psychotherapist and media consultant for Hope for Depression Research Foundation.
Asking “if they are feeling better already” can have a negative effect. “Even if the intention is kind, it may sound like impatience or expectation that they should be feeling better now,” which can arouse guilt or embarrassment, said Mann.
The same goes for telling them that you “hope they feel better soon” or “get some rest and they’ll be back in no time,” he added. Lauren Selfridge, a psychotherapist who works with people with chronic illnesses.
We are still learning what happens with time with long distance COVID, so how long the symptoms will persist remains unpredictable. Because of this uncertainty, avoid falling into the mindset of letting the person recover first and reconnecting when they get better, Selfridge said.
“This may not just be a ‘getting over’ period, it is really life happening,” so it is important to continue to reach out to your loved one, she said.
Adjust your expectations for what your loved one can or cannot do.
“Your friend or family member may not have the same energy level or ability to show up,” said Selfridge. “And someone can have more energy than others in a few days, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that everything is ‘fine’.”
It also does not mean seeing the person mainly through the lens of his illness, but seeing him as a multifaceted person who is going through challenges. They need you to modify their expectations of how much they can give in the relationship, without defining their skills or assuming what their energy levels are on a given day, Selfridge said.
To ask they what they want to do. Sometimes people don’t know how they are going to feel, said Lucinda Bateman, medical director of the Bateman Horne Center in Utah. They you may need to cancel or interrupt plans at the last minute. Prepare to be flexible and give them unrestricted permission to do so.
Beware of toxic positivity.
Avoid telling the person that they could feel better if they adopted a more positive attitude, Selfridge said.
“The reality is that our bodies are going through something,” she explained. “And, although psychology may positively impact the body, it does not necessarily completely eradicate a medical diagnosis. So it can be very offensive and very painful to go through a challenging illness and have someone say that you should think about it differently. “
Mann raised several phrases that people say may seem favorable, but can be invalidated when someone is still dealing with the repercussions of COVID-19, including “you are stronger than you think”, “I know you can” and ” you will get over it, be strong. ”
Ask them how they are feeling emotionally and be ready for the real answer.
Inform your long-distance COVID loved one that you are available if they want to talk about how to deal with the problem. Make sure that’s when you have time to listen and let them share without interrupting.
Someone may be more likely to open up and share their emotional experiences because you are more likely to understand those feelings – such as fear or anger – even if you don’t have the disease, Selfridge said.
Know that your loved one can change his mind about how he wants to face the disease.
One can go through periods when he prefers not to pay attention or talk about how he is feeling and periods when he wants to talk about it, Selfridge said.
Say something like, “I don’t know what to say or ask you, what would be a good way to talk to you about it? Do you want to talk about it? “Gives them permission to change their mind and shows their willingness to respect the way they choose to deal with the situation at that time.
Start the conversation and the connection. Don’t expect to hear about them.
“Living in a body that is struggling means having less bandwidth, sometimes cognitive bandwidth or emotional bandwidth, to be extroverted in our communication, ”said Selfridge.
They may not call or text you as much as before, but don’t let that stop you from continuing to communicate with them. Continue to extend invitations to virtual hangouts (and when it’s safe to do so, chat in person) even if they decline.
Better yet, find creative ways to reach out to your loved one, even if they can’t participate in your social hangouts, suggested Selfridge. They might like to receive a five-minute recording from the group of friends saying hello, or wanting to get on the weekly Zoom call without the video, so they can just lie in bed.
Offer a hand in specific tasks, instead of asking how you can help.
Asking someone to tell you how you can help “pressure the person to find ways to be useful and then ask them to do these things if they need your help,” said Mann. They may feel uncomfortable and worried about overwhelming others with requests.
Instead, create the action plan for them. Check if bringing dinner for a few nights would be helpful, or if they are ready to schedule a quick call on Monday nights, then all they need to do is say yes or no.