State lawmakers are finally doing people’s business – chasing down the epidemic number of irritating South Carolina drivers.
As Adam Benson reports, the state chamber earlier this month approved new penalties for interstate drivers who remain on the left lane for a long time.
You know that guy, we all know him – especially the state legislators who have to drive to and from the Statehouse every week.
So, they doubled the fines for these stupid stupid people and even gave the police the option of putting them in jail for 30 days.
Now that’s what I’m talking about.
But while they’re at it, state lawmakers need to consider a few more common-sense rules to make our lives a little easier. And get more people out of the way.
For example, all of these things should be a law:
Anyone driving on the slow lane near a clover those who cannot pass and allow cars to enter the interstate immediately lose their license for one year.
Do you think this is hard? You were obviously never forced to fall on your shoulder by some other idiot driving like my grandmother.
When a truck is going at 16 km / h on the fast lane, trying to overtake that truck going at 9 km / h on the slow lane, and they back up across the interstate from here to Holly Hill, the two drivers lose road privileges in South Carolina for six months or pay a $ 1,000 fine.
By the way, this is true for all drivers. Anyone who can’t pass someone in 10 or 15 seconds may well be eating dust – because their idea of ”fast” is hopelessly silly.
Anyone who steps on the brake for no apparent reason in the middle of the interstate, especially when traffic is flowing fast, you should immediately go to jail.
Don’t pass the Go, don’t collect $ 200. Just get out of the way and pay the fine. This will cost $ 500.
Likewise, whoever steps on the brakes to see what that state policeman on the side of the road is doing, and the chain reaction slows down traffic from Goose Creek to Gaffney, is banned from interstate travel indefinitely.
Let’s call this the watchman’s law.
Any driver who drives a car with racing stripes, like a Challenger or Mustang, and is overtaken by an elderly citizen on the interstate, must pay a $ 2,000 nerdy fee.
This is just embarrassing, man.
Anyone with a complex bumper sticker or toilet board in his car he is obliged to drive on the slow lane so that other drivers can read them more easily. Failure to comply implies the immediate seizure of the aforementioned plaque or sticker.
Any truck, tipper or not, that is transporting stones they must lose their vehicle on the spot if one of those rocks flies and hits someone’s windshield.
The truck and the company will be sold at auction … after public shame.
Any driver who insists on driving with the windows open and blow up your stereo, you must play a song that everyone likes or you will face a $ 500 fine.
That basically means the Rolling Stones, the Eagles or the Rev. Al Green. Maybe Buffett or Garth Brooks. Everyone – slow this shit down.
Anyone who causes an accident that blocks traffic for hours on the Mark Clark Expressway or the Ravenel Bridge, and a judge considers the cause to be a stupid move on the part of a person, that person must pay everyone for their time in transit.
There must be a penalty for stupidity.
The Department of Transportation must immediately expand all interstates for at least six tracks. Almost all South Carolina road congestion results from having only two lanes: Grandpa or Get On It.
We also need a Goldilocks lane for normal drivers, where “casual speeders” – anyone who drives 14.5 km / h over the speed limit to avoid fines, or at least reckless driving charges – can travel unimpeded.
The state can pay for all of these road works with the revenue from these new tickets and fines mentioned. We will make a bullet, because there are a lot of bad drivers out there.
And finally, the General Assembly you must immediately pass a law that says that whenever you see a burgundy red Dodge Ram 1500 truck coming after you, get out of the way.
Because I’m usually late for something.
