Chrissy Teigen is feeling thoughtful as she continues to mourn her recent pregnancy loss.
Teigen – who is the mother of daughter Luna, 4, and son Miles, 2 – lost the son she and her husband John Legend started calling Jack when she was 20 weeks pregnant in September.
“This is me and my body, just yesterday,” she captioned a picture of herself looking in the mirror on Instagram on Wednesday.
“Even though I am no longer pregnant, every look in the mirror reminds me of what it could have been. And I have no idea why I still have that cock, honestly. It’s frustrating. But I am proud of where this whole journey has taken my body and mind in other ways. “
While Teigen, 35, is devastated by the loss of her son, she is trying to find a silver lining by remembering the positive aspects of her life.
“I love being pregnant, very much, and I’m sad that I’m never again,” she wrote. “But I’m lucky to have two incredible little ones who are turning into bigger people more and more each day. Anyhoo. Love you. Xx. “
Jack’s memory will never be far from Teigen.
On Halloween, she said she got a tattoo with his name on her wrist. At the end of last month, the former model, who often posts on social media, also opened up about the pain she is suffering.
“I’m not tweeting a lot because I’m honestly in a hole of mourning and depression, but don’t worry, as I have a lot of help around me to improve and I’ll be fixed soon,” she tweeted. “they’ll call when I’m better and ready to get it and you can come by and get me ok? Thanks and I love you!”
At the end of last month, Teigen revealed that he was finally able to bathe again.
“I just took my first shower in about two months,” she said in a video in her Instagram story. “I have been taking a shower because I couldn’t stand being in the shower. I couldn’t, like, physically stay in the shower. “
“I feel really, really good,” she added. “I feel very clear and very well.”
Teigen was also grateful to everyone who wished her and Legend the best.
“For weeks, our floors were covered with kind flowers,” she wrote in an essay in late October for Medium. “The notes flooded and each was read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers consumed my days, most starting with, ‘You probably won’t read this, but …’ I can assure you, I read . “
Legend has also stayed by her side for the past few months and even dedicated her song “Never Break” to her at the Billboard Music Awards in October.
“I am amazed at the strength you have shown in the most challenging moments. What a great gift it is to be able to bring life to the world, ”he said. “We experienced the miracle, the power and the joy of this gift and now we deeply feel its inherent fragility.”