Dear Amy: “Imagining”, said that she was almost 50 years old. He wondered how to approach women to see if they were available or if he should stop looking.
My young but wise cousin and I once talked about how to meet women. I asked him what he should do to meet women. His advice was, “Stop looking!”
He said that people can feel when someone is desperate and that can be very unpleasant. He also said to be me and start conversations with people with the intention of having fun – and not just waiting to find a woman. This technique allows the real side of a person to shine and not the anxious side of “I have to meet someone”.
After Wondering has a great conversation in a relaxed atmosphere, when leaving just ask if he can continue the conversation while having a coffee.
If the woman says no because she is engaged, he should not assume that it is over. She can have connections on her network and know a perfect match for him.
Two months after talking to my cousin, my future wife came into my life.
– happily married
Dear married: I myself shared and followed your cousin’s advice.
However, he was not saying to stop looking completely, but simply to relax and look in a different way. Connecting with people with a friendly and open attitude can lead to friendship (or more) and can also simply brighten someone else’s day.
Dear Amy: For “Wondering”, the single man in his late 50s who wants to know how to date again, I suggest volunteering for a charity or organization that is meaningful to him.
I met my husband like this 42 years ago. Your beginning of conversation: “What inspired you to volunteer here?”
My answer opened up a world of common interests that evolved into respect, love and a happy marriage.
– Worked for us
Dear Worked: Volunteering is a good way to achieve several goals: Do a good job and meet other kind and generous people.
I’m focused on your husband’s first question for you. It is an ideal example of an open-ended question, designed to inspire a careful response.
Dear Amy: “M” was looking for advice as an aspiring keeper of a diary and I thought she might be interested in a method that I followed many years ago.
One thing that made me write regularly is the daily email correspondence I have with a friend.
This friend started writing e-mails with news to me at the beginning of our friendship, and we both got into the habit of writing to each other every day.
I copy and save our emails and I have files dating back to 2004!
We usually write about what happened to us every day and, admittedly, many of them are not very deep or exciting. However, there were times when they were useful when I needed to remember when something significant happened.
The best benefit of this is that my friend and I are very close and each of us expects to read each other’s emails when each of us starts the day.
Obviously, “M” would need to find someone willing to work hard to write to her back and forth daily, but she may want to ask her friends and family to see if anyone else would be interested enough to do so.
In addition, she may still want to keep the diary blank on the nightstand so she can write her deepest and most intimate thoughts, separate from what she writes with her email correspondence friend.
– Irene, in Colchester, CT
Dear Irene: What a wonderful and rich way to record your own personal daily story, while deepening your friendship!
During a pandemic, in many ways, it is the perfect time to start a new correspondence.
I am inspired and hope that others will also be inspired to look for regular correspondence friends.
Dear Amy: I appreciate your response to “Disgusted”, a black man who was regularly subjected to racial slurs at his warehouse workplace.
I was really disgusted to learn that people still have to deal with such indignities.
– Shocked
Dear Shocked: Toni Morrison, quoted in my response, said: “The job of racism is to silence and distract you.”
Many readers were inspired to respond and, frankly, some responses were not only dismissive, but totally racist.
We have a lot of work to do.
You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068