Tips for choking under pressure in any situation

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As the new host of How To !, David Epstein, investigative journalist and author of Reach and The Sports Gene, he is ready to face the most difficult problems for listeners. As a former science writer for Sports Illustrated, David’s first case is exactly his. Juliet is a public defender who became a real estate agent in her 40s who is one of the best tennis players in her community league, but she can’t stop suffocating under pressure. She worries about what people might think of her and that self-awareness is stifling her competitive advantage. In this week’s episode of How To !, Sian Beilock, president of Barnard College and author of Choke, reveals the science of why we sometimes play our worst when it matters most. Beilock says it is very common for women to flee the competition for fear of being labeled “not legal”, and she has tips to help Juliet, and the rest of us, break that self-awareness on and off the court. This transcript has been condensed and edited for clarity.

David Epstein: Juliet, can you tell us why you came to us?

Juliet: I played tennis in high school, but I only played when I was 45. When I started playing again, I got hooked instantly. I now train with strength, mallet, and the game I want to play is an athlete game. But when I’m on the tennis court, I feel very embarrassed. I have a hard time letting go: “Am I going to look stupid? Am I going to do something that will change people’s perception of me in a way that I won’t like? “

David: When you wrote, you mentioned a match against someone you called an “enemy”. Can you tell us about it?

Juliet: So, this is a social friend who is also a realtor, someone who could be on the other side of a deal with me. I was so focused on “don’t look stupid” and the more you think “don’t look stupid”, you start doing things that are really stupid. And I hit the same three or four shots over and over. [This was a doubles match, and the other team] I started to see how I was choking, so they hit me directly, almost teasing me. My partner finally said, “Just try or get it right. Let me get everything. ”It was a very important match. If we had won that match, my team would have been the winner of the entire season. So I need to be able to do the mental part to get to the next level.

Sian Beilock: I think Juliet nailed it that the mental aspect is so important here. And she seems to have a lot of physical ability, but it’s about finding the right psychological tools to get the best performance when it matters most.

David: Sian, what personally got you interested in the science of asphyxiation?

Sian: I played high-level football growing up in the Olympic Development Program and played the worst game of my life before the national coach. I realized a little in the game that he was right behind my goal. And like Juliet, I remember being so ashamed of everything – the boots I was wearing, the temperature. I played horribly. I was unable to do the kind of defense I normally did and let the ball pass through the front post, right under my arm, something that would have saved a thousand times in practice. The coach left and I knew that was it. I remember coming home and being so frustrated that I could not understand how all the hard work I put into this important aspect of my life seemed to disappear in a second.

This experience really pointed me in the direction of wanting to understand human performance, wanting to understand why, when we want to perform so well, counterintuitively we don’t put our best foot forward. What made me realize is that you cannot leave your performance in these pressure situations to chance. There are ways to practice to prepare for these situations. Of course, Juliet cares a lot about what other people think of her, which is normal. And it’s an interesting situation because it’s not like you face an opponent and never see him again. This brings this additional complexity to what is happening, because there is a repercussion of what happens on the court for someone’s social life. The first question I would ask you, Julieta, is do you see women who are winning as not being good or not being nice?

Juliet: Yes and no. Some of the women I met first through tennis and then I got to know them socially, I started to feel a little intimidated and I think it’s because I associate their personality on the court with who they are. And then, as I met them, I learned, oh, she is a normal, nice person.

Sian: I would use that, right? You realize that you can have the face of the game on the court and be a really identifiable and nice person, who probably has a lot of humility outside the court. I would like to remind you that you are fine with people who coexist like that. I keep going back to this psychological phenomenon that we usually talk about as spotlights. It is this idea that we are paying much more attention to ourselves than to anyone else, because everyone is paying attention to themselves. The best examples of this are when you raise your hand and say something you consider foolish at a business meeting, and then turn to your friend and ask, “Did you hear that comment? Oh my god, I’m so ashamed. “And his friend said,” I don’t remember that. ” In fact, there is a job that I did and others have done that shows that if we remember the spotlight phenomenon, it really does relieve some of the pressure.

David: What other practical tips can Juliet use?

Sian: We know that mantras can be very important. It may be that you write in your hand during games, because in those moments when you have a tendency to turn inward, focusing on something external can be useful. In psychological terms, we talk about it as an approach strategy rather than an avoidance strategy. So, when you’re avoiding things, you’re trying to avoid a negative outcome, but when you’re approaching things, it’s all about winning something. It turns out that the brain works differently in these situations, and then thinking about why you want to win and why you we must victory can really matter. And I will say that this is something that often tends to affect women and girls. We are very concerned with what others think of us and there is this notion that being competitive and succeeding is in conflict with being friendly. It is really something we must fight against.

David: Juliet, you expressed that you were affected by this mentality in your professional life, right?

Juliet: Yes, I also want to have a game face for business. And I think that having this competitiveness that I can activate will help. For most of my life, I have had a front row seat for the experience of someone who is going to win. And I sat down and let them be other people. I think I realized that as I get older, why can’t I raise my hand and put myself in front and center for it? I really think it’s built from decades of women being rewarded for being collaborative and pleasant – one who is willing to take things when asked instead of reaching out and looking for things affirmatively.

I was thinking about it the other day. When I was a new public defender, there were several of us who were all new together. Things got competitive when it was time for promotions and it was a well-defined gender line, where all the women decided to sit. Unbeknownst to the women, each of the men on their own went to management and raised their hand for faster promotion. They just saw it as what you do.

Sian: This is a really interesting story because there is new research being published – the Wall Street Journal did a study last year with McKinsey & Company – on women in the workplace. One of the things they show is on the second step where women start to fall – promoting their starting position. It seems, Juliet, it is exactly what you are describing.

Juliet: In fact, I never thought of being a competitor. Maybe that will be how I see myself. And, of course, being a public defender is a difficult and competitive task. You come in and the judge can be very bad or you are facing tough witnesses. I don’t think I ever credit myself for being competitive that way. And for some reason, sport is my last frontier.

Sian: Remembering the fact that you are succeeding in these other areas is very important. And after hearing Juliet describe everything that is going on, I’m not at all concerned that she will succeed on the court as well.

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