Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I used to meet another couple at our favorite bar. They are very friendly and seem to like us a lot, but they are always absolutely plowed whenever we see them.
The husband will hold on to something and repeat it over and over. The last time we met them, he kept telling me to stop crossing my arms because it was a defensive position. He even shouted from across the room.
I am 62 years old and I will fold my arms whenever I want. But, more seriously, he made some very specific and direct observations about my boyfriend’s body. Yes, my guy is extremely handsome, but that was completely inappropriate and scary.
I am very grateful that my boyfriend did not listen, but I did.
How can I turn it off if it happens again?
Get out, buddy
Dear friend: Note to you: People who wear beer glasses generally have no perception of depth.
Just because this rebellious couple clings to you and seems to like you a lot, doesn’t force you to like them in return.
The best way to respond to a drunk person at a bar is to dismiss it politely. I don’t suggest trying to argue with him or get involved in any kind of wordplay: this will only add fire to your alcohol-driven feedback loop; it can also enrage you.
The next time these two very friendly people run into you while you’re plowed and you don’t like it, you could say, “Let’s sit here and have a private conversation now. You two be careful to get home, okay? “
Dear Amy: My husband had knee replacement surgery at a Catholic hospital last week.
The first weeks of your physical therapy are done at our home. The first session was today.
Everything went well and when she left, the therapist asked if my husband wanted to pray with her. She said it was totally up to him.
He said yes, she said a short prayer and left.
I was stunned. Is this something new?
I have been seen by many health professionals and nobody already asked me to pray with them.
We live in the Bible Belt, so I thought it might have something to do with it.
Your thoughts?
I will pray for myself
Dear, I will pray: My research on this led me to read a series of studies on the practice of praying among healthcare professionals and patients. Although most seem to reflect attitudes toward patients who ask health professionals to pray with them, one study reflected a situation similar to that of her husband.
Quoting a 2018 study published by the National Institutes of Health: “Most Americans pray; many pray for their health. When patients are hospitalized, however, do patients want a prayer offer from a health professional? This project made it possible to measure the responses of hospitalized patients to the offerings of massage therapists for a colloquial prayer after a massage.
“After the intervention, 78 patients answered questionnaires that produced quantitative data. … In this sample, 88 percent accepted the prayer offering, 85 percent found it useful, and 51 percent wanted to pray daily. Patients can welcome prayer as long as the clinician shows ‘genuine kindness and respect’. “
Even though it is unusual, I don’t think it is necessarily unethical for a health professional to offer to pray with a patient, even in their own home. This can help to build a connection between the therapist and the patient. Prayer can help to relax the patient and “focus” his intentions on his own health and recovery.
The offer may also appear to be coercion.
How did your husband feel about this practice? He must prepare to respond before his next appointment.
A reminder that this is his treatment, and he decides how to deal with it, regardless of how you feel about it.
Dear Amy: “Curmudgeon in California” wrote when describing a baby shower based on Zoom including over 100 people!
For me, what made face-to-face showers tolerable was food, treats, drinks, and games with people at your table.
Without it, it is just something to overcome.
No one should host a virtual event with more than 30 people. It is unpleasant and impersonal. Divide into smaller events!
Reduced
Dear Zoomed-Out: I am still surprised by the large number of people that some people know!
Yes, smaller events are much better, whether virtual or real.
You can send an email to Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.