Paris (CNN) – When Riëtte Badenhorst returned home from her cancer surgery in South Africa, all her fiancé Steve Mann was able to do was comfort her on the phone from the UK. Riëtte would have liked to have been with her.
“Friends and family help, but it’s not the same,” she told CNN. “Video calls help, but it’s not the same … We want to hug each other when one is sad and feeling overwhelmed.”
Badenhorst and Mann started dating in 2016 and became engaged three years later. They had not seen each other for over a year, even after the cancer diagnosis in Badenhorst.
They are among the many single couples of different nationalities who, separated by the travel ban of the coronavirus, will spend Valentine’s Day this year away from their loved ones.
It all started last March, when growing concerns about the virus led the United States to introduce restrictions on most travelers from the Schengen area of Europe and Brazil.
Separate unconventional families
Recca Morcada, went out with Elisabeth Ann Cohen and Cohen’s son Lane.
Courtesy Elisabeth Ann Cohen
Since 2016, Elisabeth Ann Cohen traveled from Oklahoma to the Philippines four times a year to visit her fiancee Recca Morcada. Her son Lane – one of five children he had with ex-husband Ed – even came with her twice.
“We consider this a family for us, it may not be conventional, but it is our family, and it worked very well for four and a half years,” Cohen told CNN.
As the Philippines and the United States imposed strict travel restrictions, Cohen and Morcada had not seen each other for more than a year.
“I can’t wait for you to get back to your Oklahoma family,” Cohen writes to his partner on Facebook. “We need you with us and we miss you.”
‘Archaic rule’
Offely Epain has not been able to see his Sri Lankan partner, Januk De Silva, for almost eight months.
Courtesy of Offely Epain
“It’s not 1850 anymore,” says Offely Epain, a French Londoner who has not been able to see her Sri Lankan partner for almost eight months. “We need to go beyond this archaic rule that only recognizes couples when they are married.”
She says that separate rules for unmarried couples are “outdated, in a world of globalization that, until now, has allowed us to move freely, meet anyone and fall in love with people who are not of the same nationality.”
“You can certainly have couples who are very committed, who have been together for years and who are not married; or couples who cannot live in the same country for any reason, this is just a product of changing the world,” adds American Maggie Foster, in love with the French doctoral student Alexandre Portier.
“Now, it was closed without any concern for the really drastic effects it had on some people’s lives,” she continues.
Fighting for recognition
“I’m very proud of what we did,” says Foster. “It has become an organic popular movement, we have forced governments to pay attention to us. European governments have been much more responsive than the United States.”
Different procedures
Béatrice Vayleux and Jackson Williams received an exemption from France’s boyfriend.
CNN
France granted 2,570 exemptions to boyfriends, according to official figures. Among the lucky couples were French pharmacist Béatrice Vayleux and American opera singer Jackson Williams.
“We made a 31-page archive of everything we could find, a signed letter, pictures of us, passport stamps, everything,” says Vayleux. “It was a lot of work, but it was worth it.”
Some of the documents needed by Jackson Williams and Béatrice Vayleux to prove their relationship.
CNN
“I am very grateful to have the chance to see ourselves in the pandemic – for us, I think it was very easy compared to other couples,” said Vayleux after meeting Williams in Paris on January 30.
Keeping up with the news
Jasmine Jasper, right, is going to New York to meet with partner Anthony Pototski.
Courtesy Jasmin Jasper and Anthony Pototski
On February 4, France said it would stop offering exemptions to unmarried couples to prevent the spread of new variants.
“Most of the time, I try not to look at what’s on social media about travel rules because if it’s bad, it will make me feel worse,” says Italian-German dancer Jasmine Jasper.
“But at the same time, I want to be informed about this 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”
Jasper spoke to CNN about a hotel in Serbia where she was spending two weeks before she could meet with her boyfriend Anthony Pototski in New York.
“We just want to be with our loved ones, create our lives and build our families.” says Jasmine Jasper, right.
Courtesy Jasmin Jasper and Anthony Pototski
Serbia is not currently on the US travel ban list, which means that Jasper should be able to travel to the United States after more than 14 days in Belgrade, unless the rule changes.
Requirements are constantly changing for all travelers, with countries adopting new policies, such as self-funded hotel quarantines or tests before departure and after arrival. Although it makes travel more complicated, Jasper hopes it will pave the way for countries to reopen borders safely.
“We are committed to quarantining, testing, keeping everyone safe,” she says. “We don’t want to get sick; we don’t want others to get sick. We just want to be with our loved ones, create our lives and build our families.”
Looking forward
Javier from Spain and his Kazakhstan fiancee Nazym have been involved since the end of 2019.
Courtesy Javier D
In December 2019, when Javier returned to Spain after a vacation with Kazakh Nazym, he had just proposed to her.
“We returned to our countries very happy, dreaming of a life together,” said Javier, who declined to reveal his surname for personal reasons, to CNN.
But, he says, the life project “has been paralyzed for more than a year, with the uncertainty of not knowing how long it will last and the pain of being away in this difficult time.
“The dream of being able to share our lives, raise a family and share a future together keeps us strong and full of energy to fight day after day”.
With the strengthening of border restrictions, some long-distance binational couples are rethinking their life plans in their search for more security.
Some are giving in to conventions and even making plans for the wedding.
“A lot of couples are thinking about getting married now, which is ironic,” says Maggie Foster, who has been in contact with many couples through her Facebook group.
Anna Liebermann of New York was lucky enough to get a girlfriend exemption to visit her partner Clément Roux in France in December. Still, both told CNN that the pandemic had them reviewing their priorities.
Although Roux loves his work in Paris, the pandemic made him realize that he should “hurry up” to try to live closer to Liebermann.
Liebermann adds: “We have both been seriously considering what our next step is after the pandemic, so we don’t have to go through that again.”