She went to live with an uncle in Narayanganj, but still presenting herself as a man, she was subjected to the same verbal abuse. In search of answers, she scoured the internet. Finally, she found the word “transgender” and things started to fall into place. Although she has not yet met other transgender people in Bangladesh, she said she has met other people she could relate to across the country.
“It was really amazing,” she said. “I felt like I’m not the only person in the world.”
After being accepted into college, she discovered an affinity for the theater, attracted by the prospect of a life of prestige, respect and admiration. While she was chasing roles as female characters, a director told her that this was not possible because she had been given a male identity at birth.
“Bullying and harassment taught me that you need to prove your worth,” said Shishir. “You shouldn’t be attached to a male body; you have to take care of your femininity; you have to love your femininity. “
The emotional charge, the constant humiliation and alienation led her to move to Dhaka. She got some financial support from friends – sometimes living in their homes – and found a temporary job. Things took a dark turn, said Shishir, when, without income, she lived in a slum for six months.
For seven days, she said, she had no food and almost went hungry. But things have improved.
In 2015, Ms. Shishir declared herself a transgender woman for a transgender community that she met through counseling work. She chose the name Tashnuva, which means “luck” in Bengali, followed by Anan, or “cloud”. Gradually, she grew her hair back, started wearing makeup and started hormone treatment in 2016.
Shishir remembers a doctor in Dhaka who treated her as if she had a psychosocial disorder, handing out pills that made her sicker every day. For eight months, her skin became rough, dark circles formed under her eyes and the treatment left her without sleep. The drug plunged her into depression, she said.