A few hours after the Senate vote to absolve former President Donald J. Trump of the charge of inciting the January 6 Capitol riot, “Saturday Night Live” was wondering how some of Trump’s Republican allies in the Senate might be celebrating on an episode parody of “Tucker Carlson Tonight”.
Alex Moffat played that Fox News presenter, who compared himself to a human White Claw and started his broadcast with what he called “a loose collection of non-alarmist sequiturs” Among them, “Is the AOC hiding in your house now?” and “Pixar: Is this making our kids depressed or gay? Choose one. “
The program’s first guest was Senator Lindsey Graham (Kate McKinnon), who said it was “a great day for 30% of America”.
In defense of Trump, McKinnon said: “Just because rioters shouted ‘Fight for Trump’ does not mean that they were referring to Donald Trump. It may have been some real heads of Tiffany. Maybe even some Eric stans, I don’t know. But regardless, the trial is over and now we can leave it behind and focus on the serious issues. This is to arrest Hillary and free the beautiful Britney Spears. “
McKinnon added that he did not understand the contempt directed at Trump. “He’s smart, he’s good, he’s in shape,” she said. “Last fall, he died of Covid and didn’t even tell anyone.”
In the role of Senator Ted Cruz, Aidy Bryant discussed the relationship between Republican senators and Trump’s lawyer. “Like any impartial judge,” she said, “we take on the responsibility of meeting with defense lawyers to give them very simple advice: stop and don’t do that.”
Inside the Senate chamber, Mikey Day played Trump’s lawyer, Bruce L. Castor Jr., who apologized for mistakenly identifying himself as the chief prosecutor, bailiff and a bridesmaid. Pete Davidson, who played his truculent fellow defense lawyer Michael van der Veen, said he was in a hurry to complete the process because “he had already purchased a non-refundable train ticket back to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.”
The final guest was Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett), who, despite denouncing Trump, said his innocent vote was justified “because everyone knows that a former president cannot be challenged”.
“That’s why we should have impeached him earlier, when I said we couldn’t,” he said. “I think he is guilty as hell and the worst person I have ever met and I hope every city, county and state will lock their ass.”
Bennett then exhaled deeply and declared, “God, that was a good thing. I’ve been holding this inside my neck for four years. “
Asked what he would do now in the Senate, Bennett replied, “I intend to reach my hand down the hall and pull it back and slide it into my hair and then say, ‘Too slow.'”
Fake commercial of the week
If you can buy a fashionable Peloton exercise bike, but you are not interested in the constantly optimistic motivational messages of your product on the screen, “SNL” may have a product that is more your speed. It is Pelotaunt, which in this ad is announced as “the only static bike that offers a personalized negative reinforcement at home and an unrelenting criticism”.
Among his many modes of emotional manipulation are arrogant disdain, insincere praise, and avoiding attachment style. And if none of these settings gets you in shape, why not try a workout accompanied by the theme of “Control your enthusiasm” or video of “an elderly woman who is about 1,000 times better than you”?
Timely legal assistance of the week
Who among us did not need the intervention of a plastic surgeon after using an extremely powerful adhesive as a substitute for hair spray? It happened in real life with Tessica Brown, who became an unfortunate viral sensation by gluing the pate with Gorilla Glue.
Now, if any of us make the same mistake, we have the law firm Denzel and Latrice Commode (Kenan Thompson and Regina King), which can’t fix our hair, but can help us win big cash sales. As King explained, “Fact: every day, even a person is a victim of using Gorilla glue instead of a beauty product. And they deserve compensation. ”She added that while the odds are difficult, these lawyers understand what they are up against. “We know that it will be difficult to take a gorilla to court and prosecute him for the glue,” she said.
Jokes of the week with weekend updates
At the Weekend Update table, anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to speak about Trump’s acquittal for impeachment.
It just started:
Like so many other men living in Florida, Donald Trump has once again escaped justice. It must be the stupidest evidence I’ve ever seen. See how stupid it was: the jurors, who are deciding the case, were attacked by the defendant. The trial took place at the crime scene. And then, right after the trial ended, one of the jurors who voted to absolve Trump ran out and said, “Someone has to sue this guy. He did that. This man belongs to prison. ” What will you do? If you’re going to accuse the president of anything, don’t you think it’s sending a crowd to kill the vice president? I feel bad for Pence – 43 of your friends at work were like, oh come on, Mike, they just tried to hang you. Stop being a drama queen. I think it would be hilarious if Biden now sends rioters back to the Capitol. And he said: What? You said it was okay.
Che continued:
During the impeachment of Donald Trump, House managers showed security footage of Capitol rioters violently attacking the police. But here’s a little lesson in black history for you: just because there is video evidence, it doesn’t mean you will get a conviction.
Jost then added:
Video evidence of the January 6 violence showed that Senator Mitt Romney and Vice President Pence had problems with the rebels. So let me get this straight: Are you a white supremacist mafia and are you going after these guys? The two whitest guys I could imagine? They make me look like Ice-T.
Most valuable player of the week
No one now seems to have been easier or better than Tom Brady, the NFL quarterback who won his seventh Super Bowl record last weekend in his first season with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, after leaving his longtime home with the New England Patriots.
But, as portrayed by Bennett at the Weekend Update table, Brady is a drunk, mumbling, Launch of the Vince Lombardi trophy confused that he boasts of his successes and mocks his former Patriots coach, Bill Belichick (“Did you hear that, Bill? You are no longer my father!”). As Bennett explained in a moment of self-loathing: no one likes me. I don’t know what I did wrong. All I did was go out and win the Super Bowl. I was thinking, maybe I’ll win another trophy and people like me. No. They don’t talk about winning. They just talk about how I kiss my kids. “