It was a tailor-made story for Jimmy Kimmel, who was never shy about his absolute hatred for Ted Cruz. And on Thursday night, he spent most of his monologue attacking the Texas senator for fleeing his freezing and devastated state for what turned out to be a short-lived escape in Cancún.
“On behalf of all of us, we want to send our best wishes from LA to those of you who have been hammered by the cold,” the dawn host began sincerely. “Hundreds of thousands of Texans are still without power. And on a day when the most interesting landing should have been NASA’s Rover landing on Mars, instead, it was a Texas senator landing in Cancun. “
“While his Texan colleagues froze with a lack of energy, Ted Cruz did what any great leader would do when his state most needed leadership,” continued Kimmel. “He booked a flight to Mexico and said, ‘Adios, friends!'”
From there, he explained how bad the situation on the ground in Texas is, where roads are impassable, bathrooms are frozen and people are burning their furniture to keep warm. “And where was Mr. Texas while his constituents are suffering?” Kimmel asked. “Well, there he is, charges on a plane right there! Directed, ironically, to the same place where he tried to build a wall. “
At first, Kimmel explained, he wasn’t sure if the photos that appeared on social media were really of the Texas senator “or just of a man with a terrible medical condition called ‘like Ted Cruz'”.
“But I didn’t want to post until I was sure it was him,” he said. My wife spent two hours studying images last night, matching pictures of her shoes, her mask, her wedding ring. It was like I was in bed with Sherlock Holmes. “
Finally, reporters began to confirm that it was him on the flight. “So he carries his family on a plane to get out of town and, unfortunately, he’s been on TV kissing Trump’s ass for so long that everyone recognizes him even with a mask on,” said Kimmel. “They post all these pictures of him and there is so much reaction that he has no choice but to book a flight home immediately.”
“Hypocrisy is out of the question!” he added. “This is the guy who attacked the mayor of Austin two months ago for going to Mexico.” But it was not just that. Kimmel also criticized Cruz for mocking Governor Gavin Newsom for being “unable to perform even the basic functions of civilization, such as having reliable electricity” and attacked Chris Christie for going to the beach in New Jersey that he ordered to be shut down.
“But why settle for being just the biggest hypocrite on the planet when you too can be a first-class liar?” The host asked, before meticulously breaking the initial statement in which Cruz blamed his two daughters for the entire disaster.
“With classes canceled during the week, our girls asked to take a trip with their friends,” said Cruz. “Wanting to be a good father, I flew with them last night and I’m flying back this afternoon.”
“Now, he was careful not to say that he planned to fly back this afternoon because he was not there,” explained Kimmel. “He just said yes and, in fact, NBC News has a source that says he was originally scheduled to fly back on Saturday. He booked his return ticket at 6 am, after being arrested. But I think we should believe that he was accompanying his wife and children to Mexico and planned to return the next day all the time … with a handbag stuffed like a piñata. “
The host also paused to make fun of people who excused Cruz’s lies, such as “an idiot” called “Dinesh De-Douche-a”, who tweeted: “What could @tedcruz do if he were here in Texas? I have a hard time saying. If he is in Cancún, it means that he is not using valuable energy, food and water resources that can now be used by someone else. This is probably the best thing he could do for the state right now. “
“And more than 10,000 people ‘liked’ that statement!” Kimmel exclaimed. “What country is this.”
But as “for the most part, although no one was buying this story of going back to work”, he said, “Ted decided to confess”, admitting that the trip was a “mistake” and that he interrupted it due to the reaction. “He also stated that his struggle to be the best father in the world put him in a position that he realized was not good just hours later.”
Speaking to reporters outside his home after his return, Cruz said that “he started having doubts almost the moment he sat on the plane.
“Yes, as soon as people started posting pictures of him on the plane, he looked up and knew he shouldn’t be on the plane,” replied Kimmel. “How did he think he was going to get away with this? You know that your judgment is terrible when this haircut is only the third worst decision you have made this month. “
“Well, at least your vacation has been ruined,” concluded Kimmel before urging viewers to send an “ABC 13” text message to 41444 to donate money for help in Texas.
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