I wanted to end COVID-19, thinking it would be like a strong flu. I was so wrong.

“I just want to get this over with.”

I admit that this thought crossed my mind many times in 2020, since the first time I saw the SARS-CoV-2 virus spreading rapidly in China. Even before cases were reported in the United States, I remember telling my husband that people were not paying attention. He may have thought that I was being a little paranoid, but as someone with a chronic illness – who at the time was debating whether to start taking immunosuppressants – it seemed important to keep an eye on that.

That was over a year ago, and although a part of me wanted to get the coronavirus, then I could, hopefully, get over it and treat my rheumatoid arthritis (which is not in the federal list of high-risk comorbidities) without so much fear – nothing could have prepared me for the reality of experiencing “moderate” symptoms of COVID-19 on my own.

Some people may think that catching this virus is inevitable, and we are all experiencing great fatigue from COVID-19. In my rural community, I still regularly hear people proclaim that COVID-19 is a scam or that it is “just a flu”.

Many argue that they do not need to follow safety protocols because this coronavirus “affects only those with pre-existing illnesses and the elderly” (as if they were somehow expendable?). I hear people around me expressing more fear about the vaccine than about receiving COVID-19.

These attitudes are widespread in Utah, where we made headlines about conspiracy theorists breaking into hospitals, requiring access to ICUs; mothers who follow a code not to test their children for COVID-19 in an effort to keep schools open; and anti-mask protests.

Unsurprisingly, cases in Utah skyrocketed, and our hospitals were at or close to capacity since November.

Although some people are fortunate to have mild symptoms (or even to be asymptomatic), the so-called moderate symptoms of COVID-19 can still be scary and traumatic, and severe symptoms are an emergency. I never thought COVID-19 was like the flu, and I did enough research for health articles I wrote to know about the damage it can cause to the body, including organ damage incidents, the risk of experiencing “long distance” symptoms and the growing body of evidence that the virus can cause psychosis in some individuals.

I also had a lot of disease progression with my RA in the past year without treatment, and my body started showing signs of permanent joint damage, which cannot be reversed. That’s why a part of me just wanted to “get it over with” in the hope that it wouldn’t be serious for me.

Ultimately, I hoped that if I hired him, COVID-19 to feel like a flu to me because I’m in my 30s and not considered to be at high risk.

Although I was careful and did my best to follow safety guidelines, I contracted the coronavirus in mid-December.

Fighting COVID-19 was completely different than I imagined, because the symptoms were unlike anything I have ever experienced. Yes, there was a fever, a deep and sinister cough, extreme muscle pain and fatigue, but it was much more than that … and it was nothing like the flu.

What I didn’t expect, and nothing could have prepared me, was the pain and pressure in my chest and the relentless feeling that I wasn’t getting enough oxygen. It made me feel like I was crawling out of my skin, like I was going crazy. I could tell that my body was working on all cylinders, fighting an invader who was strange and relentless.

Sometimes I feared that my body was losing the battle. I feared sleeping at night. What if I woke up with breathlessness or didn’t even wake up? COVID-19 is not only a physical disease, it can also cause a lot of anxiety.

I received a pamphlet when I took the test. He had a list of warning signs to watch for, listing symptoms such as bluish lips or face, inability to wake up or stay awake. My lips weren’t blue and I could take a deep breath, but I still felt like my body wasn’t getting enough oxygen. I couldn’t take more than a few steps without becoming extremely weak and dizzy, the world revolving around me.

I he was in that strange place of being very sick, but maybe not enough to go to the hospital. I didn’t know it either, but your body can be dangerously low on oxygen without experiencing classic signs, like shortness of breath.

Although a steroid I had on hand for rheumatoid arthritis helped to temporarily relieve my symptoms, the pressure in my chest and the struggle for oxygen kept coming back, and it made me wonder what kind of damage this constant attack of inflammation could be doing to me internally. .

My body was fighting an all-out war, and although I could tell it was getting better by the day, the stress of the battle on my immune system caused me to develop herpes zoster about two weeks after testing positive for COVID-19. Shingles was unhappy, but not as scary as the coronavirus.

We often hear about death rates related to this virus, but that doesn’t tell the whole story. There are no guarantees with this virus and there is no way to know for sure how your body will react to it. This does not mean that we should live in fear, but that we should live with consideration for others, doing our best to protect the most vulnerable and ourselves from contracting this virus. COVID-19 should never be ruled out as flu or any other disease that humans are familiar with.

I am very grateful to be alive, but I do not feel completely “recovered”. To this day, eight weeks after receiving a positive test, I still can’t stand an elliptical machine for more than 10 to 15 minutes without feeling chest pain. My resistance dropped dramatically. I struggle with persistent chest pain, shortness of breath, fatigue and other strange symptoms, such as dry mouth and insomnia. Unfortunately, with COVID, “recovered” does not always mean “recovered from good health”.

While our family was quarantined, a child from our neighborhood wanted to play with our son and knocked on the door relentlessly until my husband shouted from the other side that we had COVID-19.

“COVID is fake!” she shouted back.

“No, it’s not!” my husband replied. It is real and, for many people, it is nothing like the flu. I learned this the hard way.

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