Tori Roloff / Instagram Zach and Tori Roloff with family
Tori Roloff suffered a miscarriage.
THE Small, big world star shared the heartbreaking news on Saturday, alongside a cross-stich showing her and her husband Zach with daughter Lilah Ray, 15 months old, and son Jackson Kyle, 3½, next to a depiction of Jesus holding the baby who They lost. Underneath the art was a positive pregnancy test.
“We were very excited when we found out that we were expecting baby # 3 and we couldn’t wait to share,” wrote Tori. “We went to do our first ultrasound at 8 weeks and found out that we lost our sweet baby two weeks earlier.”
“Honestly, I never felt a loss like I did then,” she continued. “I have never felt so sad, angry and afraid in a single moment. I have had no symptoms of loss [our] sweet baby angel and nothing could have prepared me to hear that our sweet baby is gone. “
Never miss a story – subscribe to PEOPLEfree weekly newsletter to receive the biggest news of the week in your inbox every Friday.
RELATED GALLERY: 34 celebrities who boldly revealed their abortions, hoping to help others
But Tori also said that she “thought about how the first face that our little girl saw was Jesus. I am so upset that I never saw their faces, but I rest in knowing that he or she is with our savior and I will meet them one day. “
“My husband has been my steadfast rock throughout this journey. He has been by my side in everything and I could not have done it without him,” she continued. “If there is any silver lining here, it is understanding how we are truly blessed. We have two happy, healthy and prosperous children, and I know that this is not offered to everyone. We have two children that we have to nest and love every day. . “
“Parents should never know the pain of losing a child,” she wrote. “I pray that we can all find the peace that our babies are waiting for us in heaven and that we will meet one day. I publish this in the hope that it will touch only one mother and let them know that you are not alone.”
The reality star concluded by explaining that she was led to share her own story “in the hope that she will touch only one mother and show that you are not alone”, and also “selfishly as a form of healing for me”.
“I felt that I needed to recognize our sweet angel, baby, in order to continue sharing my babies here with me. That is what I will continue to do – thanking the Lord for what I have, ”she wrote.
RELATED VIDEO: John Legend says that he and Chrissy Teigen “Hold what makes us optimistic” after pregnancy loss
Zach and Tori have been open about their parenting struggles over the years, from unexpected messes in the child to changes in Tori’s body and even Lilah’s fear of health last year, which was reported on their parents’ TLC program.
In an episode that aired in October, the couple revealed that their daughter had previously been diagnosed with influenza and respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) after a hydrocephalus scare.
Lilah tested positive for influenza and RSV, which was a relief to her mother, as she did not have hydrocephalus. But that relief only went so far, since Zach “almost died of RSV” when he was a baby, and the couple was informed by Lilah’s doctor to make sure they monitor his condition.
The following week, Tori opened up about the “guilt” she felt for her children, “especially” for her daughter. “We have had some very difficult things in our home for the past two months and I struggle to have to go to doctors or medical appointments alone [amid the coronavirus pandemic]”, she wrote on Instagram.” Without my teammate by my side. I have a hard time sharing my life when it sometimes doesn’t seem authentic because our world is upside down and upside down now.
“I am sharing this just in the hope that someone will read and not feel alone. We are not alone. I understand,” continued the reality star. “I thank the Lord every day that my family is here and healthy. Maybe I’m sharing it too so I don’t feel alone. Some days can be so clouded by what is true and what is the fear. My truth is God and because God is with me I will not be afraid. But I can still let off steam on Instagram, right? “