It is certainly easier, and often more attractive, to turn a blind eye to some parents. Everyone is drinking beer and smoking weed. It’s all part of growing up, especially for parents who grew up with access to many different substances. Right?
CNN spoke to Lahey about why a teenager’s brain is especially vulnerable to alcohol and drugs and how parents, caregivers and other adults with children in their lives can help fast-growing children make better decisions when it comes to using alcohol and drugs. She also shared how her own sobriety inspired the book.
This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
CNN: Addiction is personal to you. How did this come into play while writing this book on children and substance abuse?
Jessica Lahey: It was scary because it is not just me who suffered from a substance abuse disorder; it’s also a big part of my extended family. But I fully believe that the more I talk about what I went through, the easier it is for other people to talk about their experiences. The more I talk about it, the more I can erase the stigma than it is.
It was only after I recovered that I realized that almost anyone you know can be an alcoholic. There are many perfectionists who deal with their anxiety about alcohol.
CNN: How does a teenager’s brain develop in a way that makes them more vulnerable to addiction?
Lahey: The adolescent’s brain is in this process of development and transformation, and does not finish cooking until young people are about 20 years old. Teenagers are not programmed for addiction, but they are programmed to take risks. Their baseline levels of dopamine (a type of neurotransmitter associated with pleasure) are lower than in children or adults. Drugs and alcohol have become a path to novelty and risk – to feel something.
CNN: It is also more damaging to them. Because?
Lahey: Mainly because there’s a lot of development going on, and once the damage happens, you can’t go back and fix things. There are receptors in the brain that are essential for learning, memory and emotions that are being refined and enhanced during adolescence.
CNN: You write about how addiction prevention starts early. What are some of your suggestions for children?
It is also a good idea for parents to talk about medicine in their locker. For example, in the case of my house, why does Mom take it and not Dad. Talk about our health and what we put into our bodies from a young age.
In elementary school, watch what you say to your children. “I had such a difficult day, I need a drink to relax.” We use this language with children, and boy, they listen to us and do what we do and not what we say. When they see us using alcohol and drugs to deal with sadness or emotions, they understand that that’s what alcohol and drugs are for.
CNN: This seems particularly important during the pandemic, when many parents and children are struggling with stress, anxiety, depression or all three.
CNN: How do you talk to teenagers?
Lahey: Turn this into a conversation about how they are being marketed. Teenagers hate to be manipulated. “Do you think that drinking that beer will make you look beautiful and thin?”
Overall, what teenagers want from us is honesty, real information and evidence. When we use scare tactics, they just don’t believe us. We need to tell them about how their brains are developing, their risk factor, and give them refusal skills.
The best we can do is give them as much information as possible.
CNN: How is it at your house?
Lahey: At first, I had totally believed that, in order to raise moderate drinkers, I should be more European and let my kids take a few sips at home.
If we can only get them to be 18, it helps a lot to protect their brains and prevents them from risking a lifetime substance abuse disorder.
In our home, we have a clear message that you cannot drink until you are 21 years old.
CNN: What about the college years?
Lahey: At first I didn’t know if I was going to do a college chapter. We thought of drinking as an inevitable part of the college experience, and I thought I was just screaming against the wind.
Children tend to have a misperception, an overestimation, to be specific, of how much other college students drink, as well as how much alcohol is important to them. They then increase their own alcohol consumption to match their incorrect beliefs about how much other students drink.
CNN: If you could use a magic wand and change one thing now about college and alcohol, what would it be?
Lahey: I would love it if colleges were more supportive of children who don’t drink or choose to drink occasionally. I am not anti-alcohol or anti-drug. I’m just protecting teenagers’ brains and keeping kids safe. If our expectations change, they will live up to those expectations.
Elissa Strauss she is a regular contributor to CNN, where she writes about the politics and culture of parenting.