How to love yourself on this Galentine Day

Born from the old and mystical sitcom “Parks and Recreation”, the episode of “Galentine’s Day” aired for the first time on February 11, 2010. It features Amy Poehler’s character, Leslie, as she sails through a day of disappointments in the love life – in an attempt to put your mother on what turned out to be a bad date and deal with the rude behavior of your own partner. She rebels against the traditional Valentine’s Day battle and invents a day to rejoice with her friends and celebrate.

You can be one of more than a third of American women who have no partners. Or, if you are, you may be tired of being with your better half 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for the past year and prefer to pretend to be single.

The tradition, which grew from a unique TV season to a commercially viable and widely practiced holiday, usually includes brunch with friends. A copious amount of drink is generally encouraged. Face-to-face antics may need to happen via Zoom this year (can you say “Galentine Gallianos? Mama mimosas?), But why not also consider breaking with the usual rituals and offering a dose of self-care?

Be good to yourself

Whether you are drinking or not with your girls remotely, trying to get a minute for yourself in a crowded house, or rocking solo and physically distant this Valentine’s Day, it’s not a bad idea to turn in after a few challenging months and drive some love and caring for yourself.

“Loving yourself is the most important element in having a healthy relationship,” said dating and relationship expert Rachel DeAlto. “Start looking at who in your life isn’t lifting you. Sure, self-love is an inside job, but we often allow those around us to affect our confidence and feelings of self-worth.”

It can be difficult to love yourself on command, but you can start by imagining yourself as a separate person, according to Lauren Cook, a Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist, speaker and author.

“Just as you can give someone else a Valentine’s Day gift, write a heartfelt card, or spend quality time together, take these practices inside,” she said in an email. “We often don’t treat ourselves as well as we treat others, and Valentine’s Day is an excellent opportunity to really think about how we can practice self-love and self-pity.”

To love yourself more truly and deeply, it helps to try to undo all the layers of social conditioning that have been piled on us throughout life and that strip us of our ability to love ourselves for who we are, without judgment and self-awareness doubt.

“Acknowledge that you were born loving yourself. Babies know they are fierce and beautiful, they don’t need validation for that,” said Damon A. Jacobs, a relationship and family therapist based in New York.

To deepen your self-love, according to Jacobs, learn who you are by spending quality time alone and participating in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment and deepen your reflection. And there is a silver lining. “Once you nurture attention and energy for yourself at these levels, you literally become an attractive magnet for others,” he said.

Practice “unlearning” by actively focusing on its positive attributes and not the negative ones, which we often get stuck in. This will help to retrain your brain to focus on kinder thoughts about yourself and encourage deeper self-appreciation.

In addition, there is what Jacobs calls focusing on what is “evidence-based” or what others might consider a perspective.

“If you survived 2020, you did at least 4,380 things well (12 good things a day). Allow your feelings about you to be determined by the evidence of your life, not the distorted views of your critical voice,” said Jacobs.

Focus on the good things you have experienced, the good actions you have done, the ways you have helped others.

“If you want to feel love, do loving things,” he said.

In a world that seems deeply lacking in love and loving-kindness these days, there is no better advice than that.