Here are all the bombastic revelations from Demi Lovato’s documentary ‘Dancing with the Devil’

Demi Lovato’s new documentary, Dancing Çwith the devil, begins with a warning: “This documentary contains raw and honest discussions about addictions, eating disorders, sexual abuse and mental health. It can be triggering for some.” This warning is well deserved.

Directed by Michael D. Ratner, the four-part series, which debuted at this year’s SXSW Film Festival and hits YouTube on March 23, features the singer opening up about her 2018 overdose, her past – and current – drug use and a #MeToo bomb story that she kept hidden for decades. “When I was a teenager … I lost my virginity in a rape,” Lovato told Ratner, adding that his attacker was never punished for his actions, even after she reported the incident. “My #MeToo story is me telling someone that someone did this to me, and they never got in trouble for that. They were never taken out of the movie they were in. There’s tea.”

Although Lovato refuses to name the person who raped her in the documentary, it is strongly implied that it was someone who worked alongside her during her days as a Disney Channel superstar. “We were making out, but I said, ‘It won’t go any further,'” she says of the assault, which occurred when she was 15. “It didn’t matter to them; they did it anyway. I internalized it – I told myself it was my fault, because I was still in the room with him. “As a Disney star who had young fans, Lovato says he felt the pressure to keep the story out of the press.” I was part of the Disney gang that said publicly that it was waiting for the wedding. I didn’t have that first romantic time with anyone – it wasn’t that for me. “

Lovato says his teenage experience with bulimia was largely due to having to work alongside his rapist on the Disney Channel. “I had to see this person all the time, so I stopped eating and put up with other ways – cutting, vomiting, anything. My bulimia got so strong that I started vomiting blood for the first time.” At 28, she is finally ready to confront this part of her life, hoping that it will encourage other survivors of sexual violence to “speak their voice” in a culture that still has difficulties in listening. “Women are typically more oppressed than men, especially at the age of 15 and especially as a little model child star … who had a promise ring.”

The story continues

The documentary connects this story to another bombastic revelation: on the night of her overdose, Lovato was sexually abused by her drug dealer, who provided him with the fentanyl that nearly killed her. “When they found me, I was naked and blue. I was literally left to die after he took advantage of me, ”she says. “When I woke up in the hospital, they asked me if I had had consensual sex. I had a flash of him on top of me. I saw that flash and said, ‘Yes’. Only a month after my overdose did I realize: ‘You weren’t in any frame of mind to make a consensual decision.’ “

Surprisingly, that night was not the last time she saw that dealer; months later, she called him and invited him to her home, this time with the intention of having sex with him. “I wanted to rewrite your choice to rape me,” she explains. “I wanted it to be my choice. I said, ‘No, I’m going to fuck you.’ It didn’t fix or take anything away – it just made me feel worse. It made me fall to my knees and beg God for help. “

These twin revelations deeply moved the virtual audience that watched Dancing with the Devildebut of SXSW.

Lovato’s revelations about her personal pain don’t stop there: here are some of the stories she finally shared during the film.

• Lovato’s sister, Madison, was at her side when Lovato woke up in the hospital after her overdose. But the singer’s vision centers were so damaged that she was unable to see her. “I was legally blind when I woke up,” she says. “My little sister was beside my bed and I couldn’t see who she was. I asked, ‘Who are you?’ and she started to sob because she thought I would never be able to see. “While Lovato has finally recovered her vision, she has permanent blind spots that will prevent her from driving again.” I don’t think people realize how bad I really was: I had three strokes, had a heart attack and suffered brain damage from the strokes. “she says.” I also had choking pneumonia and multiple organ failure. “If her assistant, Jordan Jackson – who is interviewed in the film – hadn’t found her when she did, Lovato probably died.” doctors said i had another five to ten minutes left [to live]. “

• Despite her proximity to death, Lovato reveals that she is not completely sober and does not believe that she will be. “I got tired of the things that are going to kill me,” she emphasizes, adding that her drugs of choice today are alcohol and marijuana, in moderation. “Telling myself that I will never be able to drink or smoke marijuana, I feel that it leads to failure. But I also don’t want people to hear it and think that they can just go out and try it. It’s not for everyone. Recovery is not a solution unique to everyone. You shouldn’t be forced to sober up if you’re not ready and you shouldn’t be sober up for other people. You have to do it for yourself. “

• After her overdose, Lovato took the opportunity to ask her doctors about the diagnosis of bipolar disorder she received in 2011, which put her on the path to becoming a prominent advocate of mental health. Now, however, she believes she was misdiagnosed a decade ago, when she was looking for an explanation as to why she felt compelled to attack when she was a teenager. “I thought that would put a reasoning behind my actions,” she explains. “What I didn’t do was ask for a second opinion. You take something public and become an advocate of it. I was acting badly when I was 18 for many reasons, but it’s not because I was bipolar. I had to grow up the shit . “

• Last year, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Lovato found a new love with actor Max Ehrich. The duo moved in together and got engaged in the summer of 2020. In October, however, they split up and the documentary includes two home videos that Lovato filmed after canceling the engagement. In the first, she is calm and controlled, but in the second, she passes out. “I don’t know how to give my heart to someone after that,” she says through tears. But when Ratner films her talking to friends the next few months after the breakup, Lovato is clearly in a more reflective place. “Honestly, what happened is that I think I got into something that I thought I should do,” she says. “As time went on, I realized that I didn’t really know the person I was engaged to. It was misleading advertising.”

• Dancing with the Devil it may start in a very dark place, but it ends with Lovato coming to terms with his past – and coming out of the closet. “I feel too weird to have a man in my life right now,” she says of her evolving sexuality. “I’m not willing to put a label on it right now, but I think I’m going to get there. There are a lot of things I have to do for myself first. I want to allow myself the ability to live my life in the most authentic way possible, which I didn’t do for cause of my past. “That’s why the documentary ends with Lovato getting rid of a piece of herself – her long hair. “I never had the courage to do that,” she says. “I want to break free from the gender norms that were imposed on me as a child and from the sexuality norms that my church imposed. I feel that this represents the femininity that I have always been afraid to abandon. It is very symbolic of leaving my past … the part of me who was too scared to really live my truth. “

Demi Lovato: Dancing with the Devil premieres on March 23 on YouTube

If you or someone you know has been sexually abused, help is available. RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline is here for survivors 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with free anonymous help. 800.656.HOPE (4673) and online.rainn.org.

Read more on Yahoo Entertainment