It came to my attention that GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow’s welfare advertising emporium, branched out into the wild and confused world of Sexual “well-being”, going beyond vagina egg and in more open territory: sex toys that look like objects of art and nothing they should.
The GOOP vibrator, which is currently sold, costs $ 95 and resembles a stylized ice cream cone. According to the description of the place, it has two ends: the seductive gelato spoon at its end is a “magic wand,“ providing vibrations for external stimulation, while the other end is the rising part, to use the clinical term. The thing resembles a reinforced Hitachi magic wand, but it also looks like something they sell The wing, which is the first red flag. The second, bigger and more vibrant flag, is that, according to Mrs. Goop herself, the vibrator was made to be “intellectual”.
Paltrow said this in an interview with New York Times around the launch of this item. The reason she launched a vibrator now is partly because of the pandemic, and also because sex toys always sell, and since not everyone has or wants to spend $ 15,000 on a solid gold dildo, the consumer-friendly price of this thing may work in your favor. Because the item is sold out, I think so! Here is the old woman herself, with an explanation:
Why a vibrator now?
For many people – not for you and not for me – a vibrator is still considered a very sassy thing. This has obviously changed a lot in the past decade. Even so, people are triggered by sexual content or triggered by their own sexuality. Women do not learn a certain vernacular and how to express what we want. We are not good at being vulnerable about our own sexuality.
I think unlike “Why a vibrator now?” is a kind of “How can we make a vibrator that helps to reduce the stigma around these things?”
Talk about your design.
Many vibrators look hypersexualized. They are really phallic or look like something you would buy at a sex shop. I was really intrigued by the idea that this would be something that looked very nice and cool, and that you could leave it on your nightstand without embarrassing yourself or someone else. There is something very self-confident about this.
Explain?
I think we were just trying to do something … maybe a little more intellectual.
Everything else in this interview is the same kind of baby food you’d expect from a vibrator that looks like your mom can pick it up and ask what it is if you left it on the kitchen table as part of an interior design board you were Working. Because the vibrator looks like a decoration instead of something you use to fuck yourself before going to sleep, which means it’s “destigmatizing” masturbation. It also eliminated the sordid sex shop associations that, say, Rabbit has, because their curved edges and brass details scream “West Elm” instead of “crotchless panties emporium on Central Ave in White Plains near Burger King. Toys things that look like things you would be “proud” to display on your Lucite dresser or coffee table or whatever they are not new – it’s just that Paltrow is not pioneering the path she thinks it is.
Other companies like Lelo have been producing vibrators and sex toys that don’t look like bachelorette party favors for a minute now, so that point is neither here nor there. My biggest problem with Goop sex toy is my problem with all sex toys that look like little gloopy bubbles are silly. A sex toy he must it looks like it came from a sex shop, because that’s half the fun. The Rabbit vibrator is good because it’s good, but it’s also good because it looks like a purple alien with “pearls” on its stem and it’s the kind of thing that you might laugh at when you look at it, and it’s okay to put it in the drawer of underwear when you’re done. I want the thing you use to bone yourself to be “pretty” in case it gets discarded when someone arrives, but why the hell do you want it to look then cool that someone would pick it up and touch it with their hands? I don’t care if someone knows that I masturbate, but I don’t want other people touching my shit unless they are going to be REDACTED and we already agreed on what is REDACTED.
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A sex toy is inherently stupid! It is literally a tool. There is nothing particularly intellectual about a toy that connects gets on the clitoris and sucks it like a lollipop. There is also nothing intellectual about Hitachi’s imitation of Goop. Is the sex toy reading Proust? Are you forced to give a lecture on Marxism while trying to rub one and eat some sun chips? Let sex toys be just what they should be, and for God’s sake, leave your intellect out of it at least once!