Festivus: The ‘Seinfeld’ holiday to express complaints is for everyone this year

Festivus dates back to comedies from previous years. The ridiculous holiday was born on the TV show “Seinfeld” on December 18, 1997, when George Costanza, played by Jason Alexander, revealed that his father (played by the late Jerry Stiller) created the day to contrast the religious and commercial aspects of traditional December holidays. Jerry Seinfeld, the protagonist of his eponymous program – aired on NBC from July 5, 1989 to May 14, 1998, with nine seasons and 180 episodes – is interested in the holiday and its peculiar rituals.

“Festival for the rest of us!” is the slogan that caught on like fire after the episode.

The holiday comes complete with a set of traditions suitable this year for a pandemic and blockades and sadness otherwise, including a monotonous mast instead of a well-lit tree. Perhaps most moving is the fact that the Festivus tradition also requires a special ceremony known as a “grievance presentation”, in which you tell the people in your life how they have disappointed you. I’m sure that if “Seinfeld” was still producing new episodes, they would expand the parameters of Festivus to allow you to complain about the pandemic and everything else that is upside down in your life.

I, at least, will be happy to gather around a rescued and recovered post and complain about my head. I’m going to ask about all the missed family gatherings, the missed dates with friends, the missed dates for my son. I will even complain about the lost moments when I could have met a stranger, made a new friend, a neighbor, a new opportunity, a breath of new life. I feel better just thinking about all the complaints, letting 2020 out of verbal jokes at once, all in the name of Festivus!

And then I hope to feel better and be thankful that my family is doing well and my son will have more fun tearing up wrapping paper and playing with the box containing the toy that took forever to arrive.

I know that exposing my complaints can be cathartic, but complaining too much, like too much about anything, may not be so good for me.

“The trick to doing this in an emotionally healthy way is to distinguish between two types of complaints – those against which we cannot do anything and those that we would really like to resolve,” he said.

If your complaints are out of your control, like not being able to see your loved ones, watch the last movie or dine out, then “by all means, stay around that post and let off steam,” said Winch.

But if you have any control over the complaint, shouting at an irregular pole with other people listening may not be the answer. Instead, choose to address the complaint directly with them, or “shout into the abyss, but don’t create tension and fights that could ruin what would otherwise be a lovely (ironic) celebration of meanness, misery, lamentation and victimization” , Said Winch.

Just complaining is not a useful strategy, according to Tina Gilbertson, a Denver-based psychotherapist and author of “Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings, Letting Yourself Have Them”.

“Revealing your complaints is only half the battle when it comes to feeling better,” she said. “Make sure someone validates the emotions behind each complaint or do it for yourself. For example, if you say, ‘I hate feeling stuck at home’, answer like ‘Yes! It feels terrible to be stuck in ‘Every complaint needs a compassionate testimony to be healed. ”

For those who really want to get into the letter of the Festivus law, the pole and complaints are followed by an attempt to literally locate everyone around them. This is obviously not advisable if they are not already in your Covid virus bubble, or if you expect them to prepare dinner for you later, but it can be cathartic to fight with your housemates and release some of that extra tension, as long as not one gets hurt.

And yet, there is a reason to pause before moving on.

“I think the ‘complaints’, as described in ‘Seinfeld’, is probably the last thing we need this year,” said David Susman, a licensed psychologist based in Lexington, Kentucky, by email.

“With the added stress of COVID-19, political conflicts and racial unrest in 2020, we need to focus on positivity, healing and cooperation now,” added Susman, who is also an assistant professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky.

What a pleasure killer.

This year, Festivus, a holiday born of American television, on which we rely on this year of stay at home, is not for the rest of us as much as it is for most of us. So, go ahead, put up your post and expose your complaints. Maybe leave a little space for positivity, if you can, because even George Costanza’s father smiles from time to time.