Demi Lovato is opening up about the circumstances surrounding her 2018 overdose and recovery, explaining that “balance” has become a fundamental part of her life as she moves away from the many restrictions she and her team have imposed on her in the past to live a freer life.
The 28-year-old singer spoke about such restrictions with regard to food during an appearance on the TEllen DeGeneres show in 2020, when she said the pressure to follow a specific diet exacerbated her eating disorder. As she becomes more intuitive with her body and the way she nourishes it, the need to overeat or starve has apparently dissipated. But more recently, Lovato began to explore a similar balance when it comes to her sobriety, after realizing that an “all or nothing” approach seemed complicated for her.
“I called [my recovery case manager, Charles Cook] and said, ‘Something is not right. I am living one side of my life fully legalized and the other following a program that is telling me that if I slip, I will die, ”she said. Glam for the magazine’s cover story in March 2021. “I think I also want to try this balance thing on the substance side of my life.”
The unique approach worried her team, Lovato admitted, although they decided that “she deserves this opportunity to make that choice for herself,” she recalled. “So I did.” Still, she clarified that her view of sobriety is not the one she is preaching to others. Instead, she explained that her journey should encourage others to view their journey as something individual.
“A single solution for everyone doesn’t work for everyone,” she said. “What I’m encouraging people to do is just make choices for themselves … Autonomy, for me, is what changed my life.”
Making decisions for yourself is not something that Lovato has been able to do in the past, after reaching fame at a young age. Admittedly, the pressure she felt to conform to both her fans and her closest teammates was what led her to be inauthentic and, ultimately, unhappy.
“When I ignore and deny my truth, I get angry and overflow, and I make choices that are really bad for me,” she explained.
For a while, however, ignoring who she was became part of her personality. “I was testing different identities that looked authentic to me, but were not to me,” she said. “The superfeminine pop star was an identity that seemed to fit and looked like it did, so I dressed her up as an fit.”
One of the most ironic and inauthentic ages of her career, she explained, was when she was preaching about trust with her music. Trusting. “I was excited to be in a comfortable place on my body to show more skin, but what I was doing to myself was very harmful to my health. Starving and following this diet, and I will show my body in this photo shoot because I deserve it, “she said. “I was not at all confident. I had a false confidence because I was conforming to everyone’s ideals.”
Even so, the singer has worked hard since the release of that 2015 hit, in order to remove the layers of her authentic self and be able to share it with the world. Her most recent revelation has to do with her sexuality, after her highly publicized relationship with Max Ehrich.
“When I started aging, I started to realize how weird I really am,” she explained. “Last year, I was engaged to a man and, when it didn’t work, I thought: This is a great sign. I thought I was going to spend my life with someone. Now that I wasn’t, I felt a sense of relief at being able to live my truth. “
And although she’s not rushing over what she found out about herself, Lovato talked about feeling “too weird” to be with a cis man.
“I stayed with a girl and thought, ‘I like this a lot more.’ I felt better. I felt good, “she shared.” Some of the guys I was dating – when it came time to be sexual or intimate, I would have that kind of visceral reaction. Like, ‘I just don’t want to put my mouth on it.’ It wasn’t even based on the person I was with. I found myself really enjoying their friendships more than romance, and I didn’t want the romance of anyone of the opposite sex. “
It is true that Lovato does not know exactly what his future will be like. But she found solace in knowing that she is in complete control.
“My heart is very open,” she said. “I am listening to my intuition a lot, and that does not mean that my limits or my guard are up. I am just saying that my ears are a little more acute and my eyes are a little more open.”
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