Dear Annie: Sometimes, in the course of a conversation with someone who has an accent, I find myself imitating his speech. It’s totally unintentional and embarrassing, and I’m sure it irritates the other person. I had to explain several times to people of different languages that I am not making fun of them. How to defuse embarrassing situations like this, except to avoid conversations in the first place? – Don’t shoot the Mockingbird
Dear Mockingbird: Your flock is bigger than you think. A common psychological phenomenon known as “mirroring” or “chameleon effect” causes people to unconsciously emulate those with whom they are talking. While this trend can be embarrassing, it is not inherently a bad thing. In fact, psychologists believe that this signals high levels of empathy, and a 2013 study found that this type of unconscious imitation actually tends to make conversation partners feel more positive about the speaker.
Of course, we shouldn’t go around deliberately imitating people’s accents. But when you find yourself slipping, apologize briefly when you see fit and move on. You are not intentionally hurting anyone and you are probably not the first person they met who did this.
Dear Annie: Regarding the lady who was attacked by your neighbor’s dogs: You were absolutely right to recommend that she contact the authorities. I can’t imagine any local jurisdiction where violent and loose dogs attacking citizens are allowed or their owners are not held responsible. I am sure that I will be one of the many voices that would encourage you to contact a lawyer immediately to file a civil injury lawsuit. There is no doubt that she has an affair. – Lawyer Dave
Dear Lawyer Dave: If I ever miss the mark, then I can count on my readers to help me find him. Dozens of you wrote that I should have recommended that “Honestly Confused” hire a lawyer. The following letter includes a few more tips.
Dear Annie: “Honestly confused” must notify the homeowners’ insurance company of the dogs about the incident. She will need to provide a detailed, written personal account of what happened. She should also seek such statements from those good Samaritan witnesses, if possible. In addition, it must include copies of police reports, as well as copies of your hospital records and any notes of follow-up medical appointments. And she must compile a detailed list of all medical costs associated with her attack (all charges, not just co-payments).
Since some time has passed, it seems that she may be reluctant or afraid to file a lawsuit. But she should still talk about it with a lawyer. At a minimum, she can negotiate a deal with the insurer in particular. I encourage you to choose a considerable enough amount to compensate you for all expenses incurred, in addition to the lifetime burden of your injuries. Project how much it will cost to pay for future medical appointments and buy the equipment and therapies needed to manage your condition for the rest of your life.
If the police or the city do not do this first, a complaint like this can get the dog owner’s attention. If they hope to remain insured, I bet they will build a fence. My heart goes out to her! – Bitten once in ND
Dear Bitten: I am sorry to hear that you learned from a similar experience, but I thank you for your wisdom and I am sure that “Sincerely Confused” will also learn.
Send your questions to Annie Lane for [email protected].
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