DEAR ABBY: My son’s new wife – who has a daughter – insisted that her two children are not biologically her own. After a DNA test, it turned out that she was right. They are not. My son, my husband and I are heartbroken. Her twins are 10 years old and do not understand what is happening.
My husband and I are trying to stay gently in their lives with limited calls and visits. My son’s wife refuses to visit us until we stop communicating with the children, we promise never to talk about them again and we will not show photos in our home. She is trying to convince our son to stop seeing us too. What to do? – DISAPPOINTED IN TEXAS
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: These children, regardless of who their biological father is, were brought up believing that you and your husband are your grandparents. If you love them, don’t demean yourself to your son’s new wife or it will just be the beginning of how she will try to control you.
She has no right to dictate who you (or your child) sees and communicates with. She also has no right to order you to remove any object from your home.
If your child chooses to turn his back on these children, this is a decision that only he can make. If he also decides to turn his back on you, then you created a milquetoast instead of a man.
DEAR ABBY: I am a married man and I love my wife. We are not currently living together due to unfortunate circumstances.
Being away from it, I am extremely alone. I have a co-worker who has become a good friend and I have feelings for her. I told her how I feel, and we went out sometimes – not sexual. Now she is moving and I feel heartbroken. How should I deal? I’m fighting tears for someone I’m not even with. What do I do? – HEART BROKEN IN THE EAST
DEAR HEARTBROKEN: A relationship doesn’t have to be sexual to be meaningful, and your co-worker was filling an empty space in your life. That you have a sense of loss and sadness that she is moving is not surprising. Not knowing the unfortunate circumstances that caused the separation between you and your wife, I can only advise you to start looking for a way to fix the fences or change those circumstances so that you can live together again, because clearly, you are not quite on your own . If that is not possible, start thinking seriously about how you plan to live the rest of your life, because that way it is not working.
DEAR ABBY: The other day I was on a video conference with our boss and two colleagues. When “Joan” answered, “something” was hanging from one of her nostrils. She may have had a cold. I scratched my nose and mustache a few times, trying to alert her of what was going on, to no avail. She didn’t react. No one else said anything.
What would have been the correct protocol? Should I have left you alone or was I right to try to let you know? I did what I would have done personally. Should I have texted her in private? Please inform. – TELECOMMUTING WOES DEAR TELECOMMUTING: If the person with the runny nose was you, wouldn’t you like to know? Yes, you should have texted her.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Get in touch with Abby guy at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.