Carly Waddell / Instagram
Carly Waddell is opening up about her first Christmas without Evan Bass.
On Friday, the Bachelor in Paradise alum, 35, shared a heartfelt Instagram post in which she revealed that this year’s Christmas looked “incredibly abnormal” after separating from her husband for three years.
Waddell posted a long caption about her “new normal” this holiday alongside a photo of her hugging her two children, Charles “Charlie” Wolf, 1, and Isabella “Bella” Evelyn, 2, whom she shares with Bass, 38.
“Merry Christmas 🎄 Christmas Day is not what I expected[sic] this year. The three of us. The new normal. Which seems incredibly abnormal and, in fact, very sad, “wrote Waddell.
“Many of you, kind people, have asked if I am okay. And I want to say that I am, but I am not,” she shared. “I’m leaving.”
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The mother of two explained that Friday was the first day her children would spend the night at Bass’s home. Bass is also the father of three older children from his previous marriage.
“I feel like I’m losing a piece of my soul,” she shared. “I am literally sitting alone writing this.”
Although Waddell expressed the difficulty of being alone, she said she was “grateful that it was a white Christmas” and that “all the children will have fun with their father and siblings”.
“They are feeling very loved,” she added. “Thanks for checking me out. I love you all.”
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Earlier this week, Waddell and Bass who met at Bachelor in Paradise in 2016, announced their separation in a joint statement, PEOPLE revealed.
“We made the difficult decision to split up,” said the former players. “We will always value our time together and continue to have the utmost respect for each other, while focusing on what is best for our family’s future. We are very grateful for everyone’s love and support and kindly ask you to respect our family’s privacy while we navigate through it. “
The split came as a shock to fans of the longtime couple, who seemed to defy the odds of the traditional Not married romances, although they haven’t been on each other’s social media accounts in the past few weeks.
Michael Tullberg / Getty Images Evan Bass and Carly Waddell
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When they first met on the beach while filming Paradise, Bass (who competed for the heart of JoJo Fletcher in The maiden) and Waddell (from Chris Soules’s The bachelor) seemed to be an unlikely pair.
Eventually, the pair fell in love and Bass proposed at the end of season 3 of the show.
Shortly before their wedding in Mexico the following year, with the presence of several Not married alumni, including close friends Jade and Tanner Tolbert, Nick Viall and Kaitlyn Bristowe, Waddell told PEOPLE that “everything happens for a reason.”
Waddell added: “It has been a long journey for me Not married Nation, but I would do it a thousand times again. Because the next part will be a blessing. “