Forget the five Grammys – when Billie Eilish was younger, everything she wanted could be summed up in one name: Justin Bieber.
“When I was, like, 12… it was like my first love,” said the 19-year-old “Everything I Wanted” singer during a radio interview for the new documentary “Billie Eilish: The World a Little Blurry” , premiering Friday on Apple TV +.
In fact, Eilish was once so obsessed with Bieber that her mother considered taking her for therapy to deal with her fixation.
“I literally remember sobbing on the pillow because I thought, ‘I will never feel this way for anyone [else], ‘Eilish says about the 26-year-old singer “Santo”. “I was literally afraid that when I got a boyfriend when I was older, he wouldn’t compare.”
Later, the most moving part of the documentary comes when Eilish really meets Bieber at Coachella in 2019, after he just collaborated on a remix of his mega-hit “Bad Guy”. When they fall into the biggest and longest hug and she cries on his shoulder, it’s clear that that moment means more to Eilish than any grandma could.
This helps to explain why Eilish now has such a special connection with her own fans. “I don’t think of them as fans, ever,” she says. “They are not my fans – they are, like, part of me.”
Is it also a big part of it? Her family. Mama Maggie taught Eilish to write songs; her father, Tom, taught her to play the piano and ukulele. And her parents – along with older brother Finneas – supported her on talent shows when she was a child growing up in Los Angeles.
“Our family was just a great f-king song,” says Eilish. “And I still make music in my brother’s room.”
“The Worlds a Little Blurry” enters the production of Eilish’s debut album, “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?”, With Finneas – who produced and co-wrote the LP – and his sister at his home. family . The two brothers have an instinctive and symbiotic creative process based on their close bond. Although he is the architect behind her otherworldly soundscapes – he even won a Producer of the Year Grammy for his efforts – it is clear that she still has her own vision, even promising to direct all of her own videos at one point .
It is a surprise, however, when Finneas reveals that “Billie hates writing songs in general”. And her sister agrees: “Every time I wrote a song that I really like, I hated the process,” she says. “It tortures me.”
As for the darkness of his lyrics, Eilish said to an interviewer, “People always say, you know, ‘It is so dark. Like, having happy music. ‘I’m like,’ Well, I never feel happy, so why would I write about things I don’t know? ‘ I feel things are dark. “
Towards the end of the film, she reveals how dark things have become for her. “To be honest with you, I didn’t think I’d reach that age,” says Eilish, who started battling depression after a serious hip injury forced her to stop dancing at age 13. “I was, like, 14-15 I had razors hidden in some places and band-aids hidden in the corner of my room. And I always had band-aids on my wrists. I was literally locking myself in the bathroom and making me bleed because I thought I deserved it. ”
“The World a Little Blurry” also reveals Eilish’s relationship with older actor Brandon “Q” Adams, which ended in 2019.
But your heart still belongs to Bieber.
The doctor ends with her receiving a FaceTime to congratulate her “first love” after her big Grammy scan in 2020.
“I can’t believe it – it’s crazy,” she says between laughs, before ending the call with “I love you”.