While millions continue to struggle mentally and emotionally with the coronavirus pandemic toll, Andrelton Simmons decided it was time to tell his story.
Simmons revealed on Tuesday that he decided to opt out of the last week of the Angels’ season last September because of depression and even thoughts of suicide, which have haunted him since he was young.
“It was difficult for me mentally where the idea of suicide crossed my mind,” wrote Simmons to the Southern California News Group. “It was something I swore a long time ago and would never consider again. I was fortunate enough to speak with a therapist, which helped me to forget those thoughts. In the end, when many people were still going through what many would consider difficult times, the idea of ending the season in a bubble was too much for me to take ”.
Simmons wrote that recent thoughts of suicide never became actions, and he chose not to elaborate on how those feelings manifested when he was younger.
“Most people carry scars that others cannot see or understand,” he wrote.
Simmons expressed his feelings on a series of Twitter DMs, saying that he felt more comfortable writing his story than verbalizing it because “it is still difficult to articulate certain things or be open”.
On Sunday, the Minnesota Twins held an introductory conference call to Zoom with Simmons, who had signed a one-year contract worth $ 10.5 million. During that session, which was the first time Simmons spoke to the media since the end of the Angels season, he refused to explain why he decided to give up.
Two days later, Simmons went to a reporter and said he thought it was time to tell the story.
“Now, seeing how more and more people are struggling with depression, anxiety and suicide, I thought it would be time to share a little piece of my story,” he wrote. “I was afraid that people would judge and distort my story.”
Simmons becomes the latest high-profile professional athlete to go public with his fight against depression, joining a list that includes Dallas Cowboys ‘Dak Prescott, Cleveland Cavaliers’ Kevin Love and swimmer Michael Phelps.
On Tuesday, ESPN published a story in which San Francisco Giants outfielder Drew Robinson detailed how he tried to commit suicide in April.
“There are a lot of people out there who are going through stressful times,” wrote Simmons. “For different types of reasons. Which brings a lot of fear or anxiety. And I know that there is a fear of seeking help / assistance because of the perception of people thinking that there is something wrong with you, but I think that in reality there are many more people than you think are going through stressful things, which may come in different ways: fear, loss, trauma, problems with loved ones. You are not alone. You don’t have to keep everything bottled up. Find someone who can help you express your emotions freely and who can help you with that. ”
The more people like Simmons tell their stories, the more others can find help, according to Dr. John Ogrodniczuk, director of the psychotherapy program at the University of British Columbia.
“We keep athletes high on a pedestal,” said Ogrodniczuk. “With or without reason, they are seen as role models for many people in society and have a public platform that many others do not. What they do, what they say can have a big effect on other people in general.
“When an athlete says ‘I’m struggling with depression and it affects my life’, the right thing to do, the brave thing, is to share. Let people know if you are struggling and need help ”.
Ogrodniczuk founded Heads Up Guys, an organization that raises awareness and provides support for men who deal with depression.
Simmons certainly did not claim to be a model in any type of campaign.
Curaçao, 31, Simmons played nine years in the major leagues, earning a name by winning four Golden Gloves and earning a reputation as one of the best defensive shortstops in history.
His fifth season with the Angels in 2020 was unlike any other.
The players were kidnapped at their hotels on the road, and they were constantly tested at the stadium for COVID-19, all in an effort to get through the shortened 60-game season without an outbreak of the virus.
All players had the option to cancel at any time if they felt uncomfortable, for whatever reason. High-profile players like Dodgers pitcher David Price, New York Mets pitcher Marcus Stroman and Giants catcher Buster Posey decided to leave before the season started.
Simmons played. Throughout the season, however, he couldn’t get his mind off what was going on in the world outside the baseball bubble.
“The first time was driving through Oakland and seeing some of the shops and restaurants trying to stay open with all the homeless people camping outside,” he said. “It was then that it really occurred to me.”
Simmons said he started talking to a therapist to help him work through his feelings, but eventually, they proved to be too much.
On September 22, the Angels announced that Simmons had chosen not to participate in the last five games of the regular season. Simmons released a statement saying only that he decided it was the best decision for him and his family. The Angels provided little other information, and mostly expressed surprise at their decision.
The news came at a time when the Angels were entering a bubble for the last week of the regular season. Because they were mathematically alive for the postseason, the Angels and all other potential postseason teams were subjected to a higher level of quarantine during the final week of the regular season. The idea was to reduce the risk of the virus interfering in the postseason.
It turns out that this was the last straw for Simmons.
“I was very sad at how much I heard about the death toll and seeing how small businesses were closing and I was a little depressed at how the effects of all the new rules and fears would affect people’s lives and how disconnected people were becoming. ”He wrote.
Simmons added: “It has happened a lot more, but I don’t think my whole life should be put in order for everyone to judge. I was not more open with this because I don’t like the idea of having to explain all the details of my life. ”
Simmons wrote that he changed his mind when he realized that he could help other people who had been struggling mentally or emotionally.
“I was afraid that people would judge and distort my story,” he said. “Some people may not like that I publicize this and some may bring their perspective and judgment on what is personal and good for my health in general. I’m fine with sharing that with you because I know NOW that people’s perspective and judgment has more to do with them than with me. ”
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact Crisis Text Line by sending a TALK text message to 741741.