“I was really ashamed to say that at the time, and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry mainly, because I know how many losses he suffered,” Meghan told Oprah. “But I knew that if I didn’t say it, I would. And … I just didn’t want to be alive anymore.”
The Duchess said that she informed the palace that she needed to go somewhere to get professional help, but she was told that she could not because “it would not be good for the institution”.
“What comes with status, as with others, is a sense of shame, it is a feeling of that stigma that can come from being perceived as something wrong with, unless, someone is tainted,” said Helen Neville, a teacher of educational psychology and African American studies at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.
The stigma “affects everyone and probably the people we least expect to make an impact,” said psychologist Hector Adames, a professor in the psychological counseling department at the School of Professional Psychology in Chicago. “It’s like when we get sick with a common cold: we are all susceptible to it.”
As a prominent public figure like Meghan was vulnerable to his difficulties, some people may be more willing to talk about their pain, stress or feelings of being trapped or losing hope, Adames said. What Meghan’s interview re-emphasized is that some of the challenges to obtaining support are universal, regardless of status.
Barriers to mental well-being
The mental health stigma that can prevent people from getting help prevails because “we are socialized to believe that everything that is different is bad, rather than really celebrating our differences,” said Adames. “We see it with race, we see it with gender, that anything that is outside the ‘norm’, that tends to be whiteness, that is deficient, is wrong. I think that also extends to mental health.”
Shame – another potential impediment to seeking support – also stems from a lack of mental health education, which can make these conversations about mental problems confusing, Neville said.
Some may think that their mental problems are their fault or are under their control. Not having an education can also mean that people do not know how to recognize that their experiences may indicate a deeper problem. For example, one might think that his constant anger is a personality trait, when anger can be evidence of depression or trauma.
Like the Duchess of Sussex, some people struggle in silence because they don’t want to overwhelm others with their pain – especially if loved ones are dealing with their own pain or stress, said Neville.
In addition, some people do not have health insurance and therefore have access to mental health care. People with health insurance are sometimes not covered by mental health services, cannot afford them or are unable to find professionals who are sensitive to their race, ethnicity, culture, gender or sexuality.
How we talk (or don’t talk) about suicide
When someone is crying out for help, we tend to want to understand and support, said Adames. “But the thing about suicide and people who have suicidal ideation is that it really leads to fear,” he added. “This fear paralyzes us, which in turn does not help the person who cries out for help, and then it becomes a vicious cycle, increasing the chance that the person will realize the thoughts they are having.”
Sometimes, these confessions about people who want to get hurt or kill themselves can remind us of our own pain or suicidal ideation, said Adames. One attitude of society towards suicide is that it is selfish. If you are having suicidal thoughts and want to tell someone, know that you are not trying to cause other people pain, added Adames.
Having at least one person with whom you can be vulnerable is important, even if it is not good. Exploring the psychological strengths of your heritage, spiritual beliefs or connections with children or pets is also helpful.
“We often run to say, ‘OK, what can we do to keep you from killing yourself?’ Of course, we need to try to help the person not to get hurt, “said Adames.” But I would encourage people to become curious and empathize with their desire to die, “which does not mean supporting that desire, but trying to understand the reasons from that person’s point of view.
“In that listening, we may be able to, with the person, create ways for them to feel less trapped” and more connected, added Adames. Suicide prevention is crucial, but the ideation stage is “our window of opportunity” to empathize and “help them create alternative forms that are more life-affirming”.
Where to find help
Meghan shared her story “because there are so many people who are afraid to speak up that they need help,” she told Oprah. “I know, personally, how difficult it is not only to express it, but when you express it, to hear no.”
Believe in yourself, and that you are not alone and what you are experiencing is not your fault. “It will get better,” added Neville. “It won’t always be that difficult.”
CNN’s Joshua Berlinger contributed to this story.