Gwyneth Paltrow is back. Here is the scenario for the perfect grift for our times:
Tens of millions of people across the country have fallen ill with COVID-19. Almost half a million died. Given the chronic shortage of tests, millions more were probably infected and never diagnosed. Some of those infected will develop long-term effects, suffering persistent symptoms for weeks to months – or perhaps longer.
Sometimes, the symptoms appear to be direct extensions of the disease, such as persistent shortness of breath, coughing and / or chest pain. At other times, symptoms may be more vague, such as fatigue and difficulty concentrating, also known as “brain fog”.
So far, it is not clear how many people will suffer from “long COVID”, although it is clear that it can reach people regardless of whether they have mild, moderate or severe illness. A project to track the symptoms of COVID in the UK estimates that 10% of infected people have symptoms beyond two weeks. A survey led by the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 35% of symptomatic adults had not returned to their previous health status two to three weeks after the test was positive. Looking only at previously healthy people aged 18 to 34 in this survey, the CDC researchers found that 20 percent had prolonged symptoms. According to other studies, people hospitalized with COVID-19 may have a much higher risk of long COVID.
Regardless of the exact percentages, the absolute number of people with long-term effects tends to be substantial, probably in the millions – in the United States alone. The virus spread quickly, so even a small slice is still a large number of people. Researchers are preparing for a massive wave of prolonged illness after the pandemic. And they are working quickly to understand as much as they can about long COVID – what causes it, who receives it and, most importantly, how to treat it.
But they have a difficult job for them. With some initial reports suggesting undefined symptoms like fatigue, it can be difficult to separate cases of COVID over other health problems. And with the barriers of testing in the U.S., many people can have COVID for a long time without ever having tested positive for the virus, creating the challenge for doctors to diagnose retroactively.
So basically, there is this huge population of new patients, which is currently so poorly identified and so misunderstood that it could include almost anyone with the vaguest of symptoms.
See the marketing potential here? Gwyneth Paltrow yes.
Cracking COVID
In a recent blog post, Paltrow revealed that she fell ill with COVID-19 “at the beginning” of the pandemic and is now suffering from long COVID. Specifically, she says she felt fatigue and brain fog after the infection. This is very unfortunate and she has our sincere condolences. Fortunately, however, she seems to be managing her prolonged illness extremely well, remaining physically active, socially exaggerated, focused on improving her skin’s appearance and involved in creative business projects.
In fact, she even found a treatment regimen without evidence, but certainly effective, for her long COVID. And she would love to talk about it in a post filled with products from her Goop lifestyle e-commerce brand and affiliate links.
To help develop the regime, the actor who became a peddler of exploding vaginal candles consulted a chiropractor (of course). The chiropractor, Will Cole, put Paltrow on a fast and keto diet plan that is somehow “plant-based”, except that it includes “fish and some other meats”. To complement this “free” diet, Paltrow also swallows a handful of $ 102 vitamins and supplements, which are washed down with a $ 60 “detoxifying” powder mixed with water.
Even though Paltrow says she felt “energized, healthier” before she even started her diet, Cole informed her that based on her “labs” she needs a lot of healing, which will take “more time than usual”. Because, of course, who still needs evidence of short-term benefits when you can simply sign up indefinitely for an expensive, unproven, long-term treatment that will pay off … someday … probably?
In addition to Cole’s protocol, Chief Gooper found some methods of his own to relieve his long COVID symptoms. Despite the fight against fatigue, she says she has energy and has been exercising in the morning, including doing many walks. To continue hiking, she endorses a pair of $ 220 walking shoes, a $ 145 hiking shirt and a $ 8,600 gold necklace. [Yes, you read that correctly.] Apparently, Paltrow likes to wear necklaces, usually several at once. “But for a walk, only this [$8,600] one is perfect, ”she writes.
When she’s not climbing mountains to fight her COVID fatigue, she focuses her nebulous mind on making sure her skin looks good for her many Zoom encounters. It advertises four products just for this part of its long COVID regime. They are a $ 500 infrared sauna blanket, a $ 98 oil, a $ 125 serum and a $ 125 night acid peel.
And after all those expensive exercises, the skincare regime and the videoconferences, Paltrow relaxes with a $ 125 “Goop University” T-shirt and a $ 32 mocktail served in a $ 112 cup.
And there you are, dear readers. Gwyneth Paltrow nailed COVID.