Cobra Kai
December 19
Session 3
Episode 11
Editor Rating
Photo: Netflix
We expect something Cobra Kai end of season, and that is that there will be emotionally significant clashes between rivals and giant fights that are like a karate bukkake. This episode, of course, did not disappoint in that regard – the only question was how the writers would make this finale different. Oh I know. Let’s set this up for Christmas! And we will have the soundtrack of heavy metal versions of the Christmas classics. Yes, nothing gets you in the mood for teenagers punching each other like “Carol of the Bells” played on rough electric guitars.
The big fight in this extra-large episode happens when Sam and Miguel join the Miyagi-Do children and the Eagle Fang groupies and say that they have to get along to stop Cobra Kai. After some static, Dimitri takes their side and begins to draft a prenuptial agreement deciding where they will practice, with whom and what the post-workout snacks will be. (It better be Funny Bones.) But with the last episode and this one, I was wondering why it seems that LaRussos suddenly live in a totally different house and why it looks more like a Motel 6 lobby down the highway instead of the spacious and attractive suburban home that it is. Well, that’s because that shit is about to be destroyed like Animal House but with spinning kicks and dragon punches instead of toga parties and barrel stalls.
Little nerd Ralph hears some meows and leaves to let the cat in the moment when everyone realizes that Sam doesn’t have a cat. He enters the house again through the kitchen window when the Snakes throw him through it and invade the house. “I heard you were having a party,” Tory says, walking in with all the shaggy hair and thick makeup in her eyes like a WWE Diva. “I hope you don’t mind if we knock.”
All mini-fights taking place in pairs and trios are a little difficult to follow, but tough nonetheless. While some of these guys were hitting each other hard, I realized that I didn’t even know if I had seen half of them before. That’s nice. Bring the redshirts. Give us all the karate that this shitty studio can handle. It is when Miguel fights with Cobra Kai that I started to call Slim Jim, but when he calls Miguel “Rhea”, as in “diarrhea”, I finally realized that it is Trevor, Sam’s stupid boyfriend from the first season. I don’t know if the program is to blame for not making this clear or for not realizing it, but I feel that, anyway, I failed you as a recap and I apologize.
The big fight is taking place at the LaRusso dojo, where Vixen Tory faces Sam, who is dressed as the famous Tina Fey SNL Drawing of “Mom Jeans”. At first, Sam is paralyzed by his fear of Tory, but she finally gets over it, especially since, if she doesn’t, Tory will punch her in the face with a pair of nunchucks. That’s when Sam takes the bo team and suddenly it’s Donatello vs. Michelangelo. I’m sorry, but I will take Donatello every time in this fight.
And that’s when the tide starts to turn in every fight. Miguel finally gets the spirit of karate and defeats Slim Trevor in the kitchen. Sam turns the tables on Tory, and the Madonna-prostitute duality is once again restored. While the Cobras are giving Hawk a “free kick” at Dimitri, he runs towards the group and, instead of breaking Dimitri’s arm again, he kicks the Cobras and the two get together to form a pair of enemies and get together friends. The Cobras finally limped out of the LaRusso house, not entirely defeated, but certainly punished.
Daniel and Amanda missed it all because they were at the country club Christmas party to snuggle with Johnny and his girlfriend, Ali. While they sit down to get drunk on wine and women gossip about all the ways men mistreated them, they start getting along again. “You are more alike than I would like to admit,” says Ali, the lady who had sex with the two. “Maybe you have recognized parts of yourself in each other and you really don’t like what you see.” She is not wrong. Both are tough guys who want to help kids and do what’s right and are tired of Kreese and Cobra Kai.
While Johnny and Ali finish the night, Ali asks about Johnny’s new girlfriend, Carmen, and wants to hear everything about her. Instead of making out, as they were going to do at the amusement park, Ali gives a chaste embrace. “I needed this,” he tells her, and she replies, “I needed it, too.” I think Ali is lying. She just divorced a hot single boyfriend. What she really needed was to be thrown on the futon in Johnny’s battered living room and not leave the house until it was sprayed on his stained rug. I mean, Johnny and Carmen have already boned once. They didn’t have the conversation. Johnny’s OD is still a fair game, Ali. Don’t give up so easily.
Anyway, when he gets home and goes to see Carmen, he finds out how downcast Miguel is and decides to invade Cobra Kai in the middle of the night. Seriously, why is everyone always showing up without warning at dawn in this place? Has Kreese found out yet? Didn’t he learn to lock the doors?
We learned a lot about Kreese in some flashbacks to that episode and, well, his past torment is much more insane (and frankly a little more incredible) than I could have imagined. When he was captured by the Vietcong, the enemy army was making people in his battalion battle to the death on a bamboo bridge over a pit full of snakes. When his diabolical captain, whom I like to call Captain Crunch, is finally selected to fight, Kreese takes the place of another companion to face him on the bridge. To have an advantage, Captain Crunch tells Kreese that his girlfriend, Betsy, died in a car accident. The moment Kreese is about to fall into the hissing snake pit, which looks like something out of Raiders of the Lost Ark, he pulls a piece of bamboo from the bridge and sticks it in Captain Crunch’s leg. He understands that CC is hanging off the bridge and is about to find his destination when the US Army shows up to rescue them. Captain Crunch said, “It’s over, Kreese. Allow me to go up. This is an order. “
Kreese is totally fed up with this guy’s shit and says, “You’re right. I did not follow your orders. I will not make that mistake again. No mercy. ”He kicks him down to be bitten like the eraser on Adderall addict’s # 2 pencil during SAT. That’s how Cobra Kai was born. But the difference between Kreese and Johnny is that Kreese never learned from that experience. He never saw how much it had messed him up and how maybe doing things differently could change his whole life. He is still perpetuating “No Mercy”, although it was not helpful to him.
When Johnny appears at Cobra Kai, he sees Robbie there and is disappointed, and Kreese asks him to join them again. “Three generations of Cobra Kai working together: not only are we going to dominate the tournament, but we are going to melt this whole generation of snowflake,” he says to Johnny. You know it attracts Fox News parents who are tuning in, but it sounds more like something you’d hear from Emperor Palpatine than from an adult man’s mouth. And what the hell does dominating the tournament do for them, anyway? This will not make them any more money, and we know that Cobra Kai is a dubious undertaking. What does Kreese hope to gain from all this?
Johnny starts to lick Kreese’s body while Robbie stands still and does absolutely nothing. When he finally intervenes, Johnny is not going to fight him, but then his instincts arise and he throws Robbie into a set of lockers, knocking him out. There he is, ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lawrence, father of the century. But Kreese takes advantage, and when he is about to strangle Johnny, Daniel appears and stops him. So it’s Daniel’s turn to fight with the body double (who really looks a lot like Kreese, but needs to invest in a better, grayer wig) until the two of them pass through the front window of the dojo, which he will probably never make it corrected because it is not yet clear whether someone is paying the Cobra Kai monthly fee.
Kreese comes after Daniel with a shard of glass from the window, and Daniel finally uses his special super secret karate weapon and paralyzes members of Kreese, a man who has been receiving Social Security benefits for at least a decade. Seriously, Daniel can’t even get Grandpa Abe out here? When he is about to finish, Sam and Miguel run, and Daniel can’t be a bad influence in front of the flexible minds of the next generation, whether they wear their mother’s jeans or not.
Daniel tells Kreese to keep Cobra Kai away from his children. Kreese replies: “It is a free country”. Seriously, man, what? That is not what you say in this situation. That’s what you say when someone says, “Hey, would you mind not whistling anymore?” Then you reply: “It is a free country”, because, yes, whistling is irritating, but not illegal. Kreese is trying to “It’s a free country” to rule out the fact that his students broke into someone’s home, destroyed a lot of properties and tried to kick the shit out of several teenagers. Yes, it is a free country, but not a country so free that you can do that. It is not as if we live in a barren desert full of shabby amorals. You know, like Australia.
Kreese then proposes to end this the old-fashioned way: with a tournament. Um, I thought the old way was pistols at dawn, but maybe my fashion is older than yours. This confirms what we already knew, that we will have a fourth season. After all, they can’t just end this in a proposed tournament and never show us the tournament!
This is not the only mystery left. Kreese calls his old Army friend, the one whose life he saved by taking his shift on the bridge. He’s about to ask a favor, but who is this guy? We are without old actors from karate Kid movies. He is the father of Hilary Swank’s character Karate Kid III: This time with a girl? Or maybe it’s Conor McGregor or, I don’t know, Vince McMahon? I have no idea, but it would be amazing if it was Michelle Yeoh in any way. She needs to be on this show.
But the episode ends with a message of unity. Yes, Robbie stays with Kreese and once again rejects his parents, both biological and chosen. But we see that Daniel and Johnny are teaching together, merging the Miyagi-Dos and the Eagle Fangs into a combat unit that will be used for the strength of good, and I can’t wait to see them finally kick some ass in a tournament.